Usually when we write about an idiotic faux-feminist defense of Hillary Clinton, it comes from Lena Dunham (see Idiot Alert: Lena Dunham Says ‘White Men Don’t Understand Being Attacked’…). So, it was a nice change of pace to have Hillary fawning come from Amy Schumer. Another pudgy feminist, sure, but it's still variety. Like changing up your dessert options from flan to pudding. Variety. Choices.

"They were mad she wasn't making cookies..."

"I haven't had a conversation with anyone who doesn't like Hillary where they've had anything meaningful to say. I think she's caught so much flack for so long now, because she isn't what they think of as a woman."

"They were mad she wasn't making cookies, but she was like, 'Oh no, I'm getting healthcare for every mother in the country'."

"They don't like how she speaks or dresses. It's everything except how she would be as a president."

Oh Amy. I'm going to take the next several paragraphs to address the stupid you pooped out of your mouth. Maybe grab a snack, it's going to be a while. I suggest pudding.

So many points, so little time...

Firstly, I love how you criticize non-Hillary supporters as "not having anything meaningful to say" against her. I suppose it's possible you've encountered a non-Hillary shill without "anything meaningful to say." But the cause could be an overwhelming desire to hit all the points at once. Like how Hillary covered up for Bill Clinton's Rapescapades(TM). Or that time she laughed about defending a child rapist. Then there's the "questionable" donations she received from countries with human rights violations. Especially against women.

We're also not keen on her stance against the Second Amendment. But hey, you're in bed with her on that one. I can see how it wouldn't bother you that she wants to ban the boom-boom sticks. Then there's Benghazi. You know, four Americans died, Hillary lied. It's okay, I get it. What difference, at this point, does it make? More recently though, Dearest Amy, we're not excited about Hillary being under investigation. You do know, Amy sweetie, about Hillary's email situation? It's rife with scandals. I suggest you read our write-up about the latest revelations.

No such thing as a free cookie.

Secondly, Amy-kins, we don't care who makes cookies or who makes cupcakes. Dessert is dessert. I'm sure you understand. We do care about people being responsible for themselves, and not relying on government to give them free stuff. Because government must first take from someone in order to give to another. Like if I wanted to give Lena Dunham cookies. I'd first have to take them from you, then give to Lena. Not free cookies. They were yours, I took them, gave them to Lena. See how that works? How's the pudding? Good?

Lastly, no, we don't like how she speaks or dresses. We also don't like how Anthony Weiner doesn't dress. That's not sexism, it's just plain mockery. Her latest line of pantsuits is the least of our worries if she becomes president. Same for the voice. Yeah, it sounds like a sack of cats being thrown up against a brick wall, but her voice? Not a big deal compared to everything listed above.

Ugh. Stop the hair flipping.

Have you noticed alleged feminists don't think Hillary Clinton is strong enough to handle the same attacks as men? Because I sure have. No man comes out defending Trump saying "You're so MEAN TO HIM BECAUSE HE HAS ORANGE HAIR!" Actually... wait, maybe that's not true. Trump does have his fan boys, but they're not defending him because of manness.

On the plus side (not a fat-shaming joke, a point), if Trump does become commander in chief? Amy says she's moving out. To Spain. Of course she won't do it, but it's hilarious Amy thinks her moving to Spain will help tip the scales in Hillary's direction. No. But thanks.

Amy is a hypocrite in all ways. Here's a fun video hitting just one. The fat one. How's the pudding?

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