In the wake of the Kevin Hart "controversy," the Academy is scrambling to find a host who can meet their impossible moral standards. They need someone who's never made a transphobic, homophobic, Islamophobic, (insert leftist cause)phobic remark in their life.

Seeing as nobody is squeaky clean enough to pass muster, the Academy is considering changing the game. By having no host at all. Seriously:

Kevin Hart’s abrupt departure as Oscars host has left the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences scrambling to find someone to take the gig. As of now, the situation remains fluid as the group’s leadership explores options, including going host-less, individuals familiar with the situation told Variety.

The Academy was blindsided by Hart’s announced departure Thursday night, according to two insiders. The Board of Governors will convene on Tuesday night at a previously-scheduled meeting where the matter will inevitably be discussed.

“They’re freaking out,” said a top comedy agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity. There were no contingency plans in place by the Academy or broadcaster ABC, according to another insider. The show’s producers are back to square one.

Here's a recommendation for the Academy. Create a genderless robot to dispense the awards. "And, The, Win-ner, for, best, ac-tor, goes, to, Sean, Penn, for, his, role, as, 'Pre-ten-tious, Ass-hat, Num-ber, One.'" Then, the next step is to eliminate winners altogether and simply hand out participation trophies instead.

Better yet, the Academy can promptly pull their funny bones from their rectal cavities and accept most comedians' have done material grandma would not approve of. Such is life. Simply dispense with the unmeetable standards and pick the best teller of funnies who's available.

Political correctness is sucking all the fun out of life. Today, it's affecting a smug ceremony where overpaid players of pretend pat each other on the back. Tomorrow, it'll reach something you and I actually care about. This is why political correctness needs to die a painful death.

Speaking of that:

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