Once upon a time, in a world before insidious trigger warnings, Facebook, Twitter and duck-faced selfies (which do not make you look hot) "outrage culture" was kept to a minimum. It was a simpler time. A better time. A time when cooler heads could prevail. But that was then. This is now. Now when a person with a modicum of success is asked a question on current social events, that person is expected to give a perfect answer as dictated by what HuffPo's editorial team decided that morning over soy lattes. Enter actor Henry Cavill. A white, cis-gendered male. Ergo according to the rules of social justice jihadism, the devil. GQ Australia, as in "Gentleman's Quarterly Australia" as in a MEN's magazine, asked Cavill about his thoughts on #MeToo.

Cavill made the mistake of answering the questions honestly. The only correct answer for the feminists would have been: "It's wrong for me to be a man, and I'm sorry. Please tell me how I can do better, I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. And please, I'm sorry."

Here are Cavill's responses to the #MeToo questions:

“I’ve been fortunate enough to not be around the kind of people who behave that way. To my memory there’s been no moments where I look back and think, ‘Ooh, OK, maybe someone shouldn’t have gone through that’. I know there have been situations with people I’ve worked with being perhaps overfamiliar with some of the actresses. But, I’ve always walked up to them and said, ‘Hey, are you all right? That’s creepy’.”

Because angry feminists are angry about everything, I'm sure they're angry at the way Cavill responded, or didn't respond, in the correct, or incorrect manner as dictated by "Social Justice Rules for White Men with Accents, Because Yes, You Are STILL WRONG."

Naturally, the interview was then steered to dredging up any and ALL behaviors in Cavill's lifespan of 35 years. Confess or be burned. Wait... maybe that's "Confess and then BURN!"

“I like to think that I’ve never been like that. I think any human being alive today, if someone casts too harsh a light on anything, you could be like, ‘Well, OK, yeah, when you say it like that, maybe.’ But it’s such a delicate and careful thing to say because there’s flirting which, for example, in a social environment is in context – and is acceptable. And that has been done to me as well, in return.”

All right. I don't see anything triggering in the above. But that could be tainted by my not being a rabid bitch. But let's put on our feminist goggles of wildebeast rage. Obviously, all flirting must be vetted. He clearly should've obtained written permission from every single woman he's ever looked at, for consent. Then had the written consent notarized by someone in the LGBTQAAIP community. Because lingering eyes are rape culture. He should know, it was totally a super, secret subplot in Man from UNCLE, a title which is reeking of patriarchy. Shame. SHAME!

“Stuff has to change, absolutely. It’s important to also retain the good things, which were a quality of the past, and get rid of the bad things. There’s something wonderful about a man chasing a woman. There’s a traditional approach to that, which is nice. I think a woman should be wooed and chased, but maybe I’m old-fashioned for thinking that.”

Oh my Gaia. I see where the problem is. Henry Cavill likes to be the man in a relationship. He likes to "chase" women. Worse, he doubled down on it by using the micoaggressing word not once, but twice. Send him to a re-education camp, filled with pink pussy hats. Where he should be publicly flogged by women dressed as Handmaids from Handmaids Tale. Let them throw tampons at his male privilege.

Let's also completely ignore that, aside from angry feminist bovines, traditional women (of which there are plenty, feminists do not speak for all women), like men to pursue them and be wooed. But I'll hit that later.

And then Cavill plugged his nose and performed an epic cannonball into the feminist sea of perpetual PMS:

“It’s very difficult to do that if there are certain rules in place. Because then it’s like: ‘Well, I don’t want to go up and talk to her, because I’m going to be called a rapist or something’. So you’re like, ‘Forget it, I’m going to call an ex-girlfriend instead, and then just go back to a relationship, which never really worked’. But it’s way safer than casting myself into the fires of hell, because I’m someone in the public eye, and if I go and flirt with someone, then who knows what’s going to happen?”

Feminists took issue with "talking to women might make me a rapist." Because the feminists find it insulting that a man thinks some women can't distinguish conversation from rape. Which I'd agree with, except these are the same feminists who say Disney Princesses are rape culture. Plus these other things are rape:

• Um, What?! Ireland Police Deem Unwanted Mistletoe Kisses 'Rape'
• This Guy Was Just Nailed for 'Online Rape.' Yes, Really.

I'm sure we have more stories about "cat calling is rape" if you want to hit the search bar. But it's getting late and I'm not even done yet with these twits who rage over the dumbest shit I just can't even with them.

But here are cases of men being falsely accused of rape. Presented for relevance, your honor:

• Man Cleared of Rape After Victim's Facebook Messages Expose Her Bragging
• Rape Culture? Woman Fakes Rape, Kidnapping to Con Boyfriend
• Two Innocent Men Finally Walk Free after Being Falsely Accused of Rape
• Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Actually, Some College Rape Cases Are Unfair to the Accused
• Man Falsely Accused of Rape Sues Police for MASSIVE Cover-Up of His Innocence

I dunno, if I had to guess, maybe Henry Cavill reads the news beyond BuzzFeed listicles.

He then further sunk deeper into the waters of feminist PMS hell with this little number:

“Now? Now you really can’t pursue someone further than, ‘No’. It’s like, ‘OK, cool’. But then there’s the, ‘Oh why’d you give up?’ And it’s like, ‘Well, because I didn’t want to go to jail?’”

He's referring to the practice of women playing hard to get. Because traditional women play hard to get. Because traditional women like to be pursued. By traditional men who like to pursue them. Who want to chase women. And you can't chase a woman if she's easy to get and just makes herself one hundred percent available to a man at go. So she says "No" in such a way which may be considered "Try harder, stupid." A topic which was touched on in the opening of the 2005 romcom Hitch. Because women speak in nuanced code and it drives men crazy trying to figure them out as they pursue women.

Consensual dating is a game.

Notice that Cavill never excused men who are creeps, men who pursue past reaffirmed "no's" said with firmness. He never excused guys who take "pursuing" to crazy stalkers. He just explained the dating game and why he's hesitant to play it in an age when men are punished for being men. Okay, I added the last part. He didn't say that. I said it because I have female privilege and I can.

The crazy feminists reacted in crazy feminist fashion by shaming Cavill for his incorrect answers. For which he was forced to "apologize." First, the cray cray:

These few tweets are considered "outrage" so in what I can only assume was an attempt to salvage his reputation and save his career, Cavill offered this in apology:

Insensitivity was absolutely not my intention. In light of this, I would just like to clarify and confirm to all that I have always and will continue to hold women in the highest regard, no matter the type of relationship, whether it be friendship, professional or a significant other.

Never would I intend to disrespect in any way, shape or form. This experience has taught me a valuable lesson as to the context and the nuance of editorial liberties. I look forward to clarifying my position in the future toward a subject that is so vitally important and in which I wholeheartedly support.

Nice dig at the editors of GQ. I see you, boo.

I'll offer this in closing: feminists, please, for the love of all things traditional relations between men and women, could you not doggy pile on someone who was actually making sense, but you just didn't find his vocabulary suitable for your safe spaces? Maybe familiarize yourselves with dating rituals from, like, I dunno, 2010 and before 2010? Just a suggestion.

Secondly, if you're forced to apologize over something stupid because your publicist tells you to, always go with "It wasn't my intent to be X" which I always read as subtext for "I'm sorry you're stupid and didn't understand me." Normally I'm a little miffed about these kinds of "apologies" but this one doesn't send me into a triggering eye-roll. Because no apology was necessary.

Thirdly, if you said nothing wrong, never, ever apologize.

Remember when feminists tried ruining the Christmas song "Baby it's Cold Outside"?

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