First, let's address the divisiveness of the headline. Yes, there are places far worse than the United Kingdom. But the original thirteen colonies didn't form the United States to escape the Ottoman Empire. We're speaking in first, western world terms here. Save your North Korean torture talk for another time. Okay? Okay.

These last few weeks have been -- how shall we say -- embarrassing for the UK government. A man was recently sentenced for the crime of telling a joke. Then an old retiree arrested for murder after stabbing a home intruder. To deal with rampaging knife crime, the esteemed Mayor of London, Sadiq Kahn, plans to institute comprehensive knife control.

The knifings were too much for crime-fighting super ninja Cookie Monster, to handle.

Oh my.

Before irate royalists raise their spoons at me -- as knives and possibly forks, are soon to be banned -- lemme go on a disclaimer tour and say I'm specifically referring to the government of the United Kingdom. Not the fine Britons of good will and humour (see end of this column for more). Got that? I'll even refrain from dental hygiene jokes. I love the good people of Britain. Nigel Farage and Daniel Hannan are cool cats in my book. I sympathize with all who're living under the UK's crappy rules. Okay? Okay.

The United States is the United States largely because Great Britain's government has been, for at least all our history, a steaming pile of shite. Extra e for colloquial reasons. So while the UK has gotten bad press for questionable decisions the past fortnight, let's not kid ourselves. If freedoms had ever been a thing in the United Kingdom, America wouldn't have written the best breakup letter history has ever seen. Having had quite enough of the tyranny, the Founding Fathers wrote to King George, "So long and thanks for all the fish. You scurvy, mangey git."

Some 240 plus years later, good call.

The laws in the Old Country seem to get sillier by the day. But the United Kingdom is the same country which thought leaving the colonies alone for a bit to "think about what they'd done" was a proper form of punishment. In hindsight, not as brilliant as Monty Python.

America adopted some of its best tenets in reaction to the utter garbage earlier Americans had to deal with under Britain's gnarly thumbs. Despite the Magna Carta which, with a little research, was taken seriously then ignored. Seriously then ignored. Seriously... you're sensing a pattern. Seems the Founding Fathers rather liked the Magna Carta.

Let's go through those tenets for good measure, eh?

One: Freedom of speech in America is a constitutionally protected right. A right which, as far as I'm aware, exists only here. Which is why I can write this column and say "Nobody cares about the royal family except if it's a TV series" without worrying about the bobbies bashing down my door with their little glow sticks. Since, you know, most of them don't carry guns.

But freedom to say what you like still isn't a reality in the United Kingdom. Yes, they have a "freedom of expression" but it comes with exceptions:

2. The exercise of these freedoms, since it carries with it duties and responsibilities, may be subject to such formalities, conditions, restrictions or penalties as are prescribed by law and are necessary in a democratic society, in the interests of national security, territorial disorder or crime, for the protection of health or morals, for the protection of the reputation or rights of others, for preventing the disclosure of information received in confidence, or for maintaining the authority and impartiality of the judiciary.

For the protection of "health or morals." What the actual hell is that?

Compare the above to the First Amendment.

While the British may be "free to say what they like," the UK and other European countries also have laws against "hate speech." Laws which would not hold up in the United States. Therein lies the great difference. So sure, someone in England can tell a joke. But if someone deems it hate speech, to the slammer you go. That's not "freedom of expression." See related articles:

• UK Student Reprimanded for WATCHING Dave Rubin and Ben Shapiro?
• Lauren Southern Banned From Entering the UK Over Her Extremism
• UK Government: Don't Say 'Pregnant Woman' Because It Offends You Know Who
• BRITAIN: Radio Host Katie Hopkins Demands Government Stop Terrorism. Gets Fired.
• Count Dankula Convicted for Hate Crime Over Teaching Pug Nazi Tricks.

I'd also like to note the "Human Rights Act" from which the above section on "freedom of expression" was pulled, was instituted in the year 2000.

Two: The right to self-preservation via the keeping and bearing of arms. Specifically to protect Americans against government tyranny as seen in Great Britain toward the American colonies back in the 1700s and, as we're seeing, what's happening to the British people via the British Government now. The Founding Fathers didn't want the American people to be oppressed or defenseless. Against intruders or a tyrannical government bent on oppressing them.

Meanwhile in modern England:

God forbid someone have a stray thread on their jumper. How will they chop it off? Safety scissors? Their own teeth?

While the British authorities are cracking down on quilt-makers, there's a bit of a terrorist problem:

• UK City Willingly Ignored Child Rape Epidemic for Decades
• SAY WHAT?! BBC's Katty Kay on Manchester: "Europe has to get used to this"
• UK: Pro-Terrorism Mother Spared Jail… Because Her Kids Needed Her
• Leftists Blast Trump for UK Crime Rate Comments. But, He’s Not Wrong
• Tommy Robinson GOES OFF on Islam to Bystanders LAUGHING at London Attack

All this crime against Britons. With little to no way for those same Britons to defend themselves. And if they speak out against what's going on in the UK regards Islamic terrorism, their speech may be deemed a threat to "the democracy." See point one above.

Three: the rest of the Bill of Rights were written specifically to protect people from a tyrannical government, as governments tend to go tyrannical if left unchecked. Including the right to a speedy trial, to face your accuser, and not to be charged for the exact same crime twice (double jeopardy).

While the UK recently adapted similar laws (though not double jeopardy, that I'm aware), the right to say what you'd like without being sentenced for "hate speech" and the right to protect yourselves, even if you use a thumbtack, are not clearly specified in British law. Again, that I'm aware. Because despite having fine tea and superior television programs, protecting the rights of individuals, which as Ayn Rand once pointed out is the "smallest minority," is not high on the Brit's list. But protecting the collective, possibly from even themselves or from mean jokes, is.

Until the United Kingdom sees people as individuals, not as a greater collective of subjects, and understand individuals have rights granted to them by God, the UK will continue along its blundering path, engaging in piffle like blaming knife crime on cutlery. And enlisting a Muppet to help fight it.

~ Written by Courtney Kirchoff(who has deep British ancestry)