When was the last time you went up to someone and said "I'm vaccinated against measles, mumps and rubella"? Probably never. Let's try another one. When was the last time you followed up an introduction with "I'm vaccinated against tetanus"? Still not ringing any bells, huh? Weird. Maybe this one: "Don't worry, I got my hepatitis vaccination." Still a no, eh? Then why, oh why do so many people who've gotten poked with the COVID vaccine proudly announce they've been poked with the COVID vaccine? It's a rhetorical question, I already know the answer besides the desire to annoy the rest of us. And yes, if you're a "vaccinated person" you are annoying the rest of us. If you take one thing and nothing else from this column, let it be this: kindly go and shut the hell up.

I'm not even going to ask if this seems crazy, because our Vaccinated Betters are looking down their noses at those who've either not gotten the prestigious COVID vaccine, or haven't discussed getting the vaccine. Which begs the question: if you get the vaccine but don't talk about it, is it really effective? Pretty sure "fully vaccinated" means two doses plus updating your status on social media, lecturing friends, family and coworkers, and weaving "I'm fully vaccinated" into everyday conversation with whomever one encounters. Thanks for letting us know you watch CNN and are so susceptible to suggestion. Unrelated, please give me money.

Reminder: getting the COVID vaccine isn't an accomplishment, nor is it a stand-in for a personality trait. Don't worry, I say the same to the gender non-binary.

Getting the vaccine also isn't brave. I know, I'm really raining on the self-thrown ticker tape vaccine parade, aren't I? If you find my constant insults tedious, just think how irksome you are with your "I'm vaccinated" proclamations issued as proudly as if you'd discovered the relationship between chocolate and peanut butter. But I digress. The reason — in my opinion — so many people brag about getting stuck with the COVID poker is because media hath deemed it societally heroic. Making me believe many people (NOT ALL, CALM DOWN) who have gotten it think they're heroes deserving of my praise.

Going along with media's opinion has never been heroic, brave, or special. If you're a "fully vaccinated person" who likes to talk about it, calm your flapping chestbags. You're as heroic as he, she or ze who washes their hands post toilet usage. The participants of which still haven't demanded they be praised.

Lest morons on Twitter be confused, I'm not against vaccines. This really isn't about knocking on people's personal choice to get vaccinated, be it for COVID or anything else. You want it? Go get it. But don't celebrate yourself for it or demand I celebrate you and go and do the same or else I'm a terrible person who should be banished from participating in the rest of humanity until I "do the right thing" according to you and media.

By the way, how media treats vaccinated people, the vaccine itself, and how media looks down on unvaccinated people as if to apply pressure to make those people vaccinated, is one reason those who are not vaccinated raise questions about the vaccination. It kind of seems like something else might be going on when Biden wants people to go door to door encouraging people take the dose, when social media runs a warning label on anything that even has "covid" written anywhere on it, and stores are offering free shots when I can't remember anything else medical being offered for free in order to "save lives." Pardon me for being skeptical and judging you for not.

I doubt the insufferable vaccine declarations will stop anytime soon. Even as the CDC tells our vaccinated saints walking among us that they should still probably wear masks when around others. Seems like a perfect time to ask questions but why hope for the impossible. Perhaps we can reach a compromise. Maybe I'll stop mocking the proudly vaccinated when the proudly vaccinated stop trying to shame the non-vaccinated for raising questions and not following them in lockstep. Sound fair?

I won't hold my breath.