What used to be a fringe idea held only by the craziest kooks of the left has now taken center stage of the Democrat Party platform: slave reparations. I can't even pretend this sounds like a good idea. It's nothing more than a vote buying scheme, and a logistically impossible vote buying scheme at that. For the record, we do not need to give anyone slavery reparations, for one main reason: no one who'd get these reparations is a victim of slavery. America abolished slavery in 1863, which means everyone born and raised in America today, who is still alive, was not a slave. Nor was any American, born and raised in America today, a slave owner. But there are even more problems with this slavery reparations plan than just the stupidity of it.

For one, there's no feasible way to implement the reparations payments themselves. Nor is there a plan to take those payments. Who would qualify for reparations? All African Americans? Or just those who can provide genealogical evidence that their ancestors were slaves? Is 23andMe.com about to get flooded with spitsticks?

Secondly, who would pay the reparations? All Americans? What about Maria, a low-income Latina who had no role in slavery?

If we're not going to tax Maria because her ancestors had zero to do with black slavery, then are Democrats just going to tax white Americans? Will Democrats mandate all white Americans mail their spitsticks to 23andMe.com to prove their ancestors were, or were not slaveowners?

More importantly, do we really want the US Post Office in charge of delivering so many spit swabs? I'm just asking.

Setting aside how the US Government can do almost nothing right, and certainly can't do anything without seventeen layers of needless bureaucracy, the entire idea of paying slave reparations is an unmanageable nightmare. Not even one of the 150 declared Democrat candidates has a smidgen of an idea of how to implement this policy. Because it's not about making the policy work. Democrats are harping on slavery reparations to virtue signal their way into the White House. Tell me I'm wrong.

Now, what about the idea that somehow even today's generation of black Americans are "feeling the negative systemic ramifications of slavery." Well for one, that's bull caca. And no, pointing to the race wage gap isn't evidence of systemic ramifications of slavery. Like the gender pay gap, there's a simple problem with how these stats are calculated and used.

Just comparing annual earnings of different races, yes, we see that African Americans make 73% of what whites do, just as looking at the average earnings of men vs. women shows a similar gap. Lemme toss an idea out to you, what about age? The average annual income increases with age, peaking when someone hits their 40's and 50's. The median minority age is 31, while the median white age is 43.

Makes sense: the more experience in the workforce one has, the more money they tend to make. It doesn’t matter what race someone belongs to, people in their early thirties make about 75% of what people in their forties make. So good news: the wage gap between blacks and whites can be partly explained by the difference in their median ages.

The second thing about the supposed "race wage gap" is that like the gender wage gap, personal choices account for the numbers. Sorry, but lower wages in African American households are largely due to choices made by the current generation. For example, having children out of wedlock is one of the biggest determining factors of poverty. And black households have extremely high rates of out-of-wedlock births.

Back to the idea "black people feel the negative effects of slavery long past" what about the Japanese? They were put in internment camps in the 20th century, but U.S. born Japanese make a median income of $80,000, almost a third more than the MEDIAN (not average) U.S. salary of $56,000.

One could certainly argue Japanese people of today are much closer to the internment period of just last century, than black Americans are to slavery, which occurred in the century before last. And yet, Japanese Americans are making more money than the average American period. So tell me about the race gap again.

Here’s the good news: African Americans who pursue education do well. Really well. When comparing whites and blacks based on their education levels, the wage gap shrinks and even reverses in some demographics. Black women with advanced degrees actually make more than white women with advanced degrees. African Americans with doctorates make more than white Americans with doctorates:

Now sure, some people will say, “But blacks don’t have access to education!” But no, that's stupid. In fact, with affirmative action policies at colleges, it’s easier for black students to get into college, and many race-based scholarships help with the cost! No need for Aunt Becky to shell out fat stacks here.

So what have we learned? Slave reparations is a completely unworkable concept based on faulty evidence. It's also a hypocritical policy: politicians who advocate for slave reparations are the same people who believe it's our moral duty to pay for nations abroad. Let that sink in for a second. Because by the Democrat's logic:

1. it's morally imperative for us to help other nations with our wealth!
2. slavery is one of history's greatest evils…

Cute. So why aren't Democrats trying to end slavery around the world? Because yes, it still goes on. Everywhere.

We could be far more effective ending global slavery, which is a problem now, affecting people now, than providing retroactive disaster relief for a dark period in our nation's history 156 years ago which no one alive actually experienced.

Black Americans have the freedom of choice and have continued to improve their economic situation in America. It's what we call the "American dream." But Democrats are seeking to crush the American dream, across all racial lines. Let’s say a black American launches him or herself into the top 1%, meaning he or she makes an annual household income around $400,000 per year. For reference, think Dr. Ben Carson or Oprah. Bernie wants to take 90% of what those black Americans earn, effectively forcing them to work at the hands of the government.

How is that not slavery?

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