Oh Amy Schumer. Just when I was feeling overwhelmed from the tsunami of Hillary scandals, along floats Amy. Little floaties on her "cute" chubby arms and all. Methinks they're speckled with penises. I'm not even going to pretend this new Episode of Amy Says Stupid Things doesn't tickle me hot pink. Because it does. I have a real love of Amy and all her preachy, unfunny ways (see Uh Oh! Bud Light Pulls Amy Schumer, Seth Rogen Ad Campaign After Sales Drop and CANNIBALISM: Leftists Turn on Darling Amy Schumer for ‘Racist’ Parody Video!).

What's Amykins up to now? Hillary Clinton Surrogate. Now she's internet shaming you for not voting...

Get it? Schumer doesn't care "who" you vote for. But if you don't vote, you'll have your personal records exposed because Amy and her supporters are jerks like that. I mean, they're jerks who don't pay much attention in the first place. So, expecting them to show initiative to look up your personal information is a stretch. A stretch rather like calling Amy "funny." Or what her pants experience daily.

Make sure you don't vote for Trump, though. Vote for Hillary! Because she's way better than the orange guy. You know, because of lying about her emails. Or like, totally having her illegal server hacked by maybe five foreign entities. No, that's not a sexual innuendo about Weiner. Don't forget, Hillary also made millions of dollars through her Clinton Foundation. Oh sure, she's being investigated by the FBI for the illegality of the Foundation, but you must vote for her! Because VAGINA. Plus Trump's a meanie!

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