Time Magazine named its Person of the Year as...

*drumroll*

... German Chancelor Angela Merkel.

Oh, by the way, runner up was Caitlyn Jenner. You know, just in case you thought Time's "person of the year" still held any legitimacy.

Merkel is the first individual woman to receive the "Person of the Year" recognition since TIME changed its title from "Man of the Year" in 1999. Women, however, have been recognized as part of a group, such as last year's winner, "Ebola Fighters."

In a TIME essay, Gibbs said the magazine selected Merkel "for asking more of her country than most politicians would dare, for standing firm against tyranny as well as expedience and for providing steadfast moral leadership in a world where it is in short supply."

Naturally, I'm not a fan of pinko commie German Prime Chancellor Angela Merkel. Why? Let me rapid-fire you some of the tubby tyrant's greatest hits.

1. She was openly heard planning (on a live microphone) with Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg a strategy to censor anti-Merkel posts. Not planning a strategy for national security, or to ensure freedom of the people, but that people weren't allowed to freely criticize her on social media.

2. Despite the will of the people, Chancellor Merkely acted more like a dictator (remember those, Germany?) when she opted for open borders, opening up Germany to refugees seeking asylum. Who cares about the safety of Germany or its citizens? This was the "tolerant" thing to do.Which leads us to point number...

3. With the flooding of Islamic refugees into Germany, not only have the country's demographics shifted, not only has an already strained welfare state become even more unstable, but rapes and crimes against longstanding German citizens have skyrocketed. Sweden is a little further along the trail, having enacted open-border policies for a long time and as a result has enjoyed being named "Rape Capital of the Free World"... but Germany is quickly catching up. So they've got that going for them.

4. Standing by while changing demographics of Germany have allowed pockets of Sharia law to spring up all over the country. For those of you who don't know, Sharia law is the prescribed legal/political system from Islam. It demands the abolishment of free speech, second-class status for women, Christians all non-Muslims and yes... killing of the gays. Also, women are required to present four witnesses as evidence of rape, otherwise they could be punished themselves simply for bringing the crime up. Ah. Now the whole rape epidemic makes sense.

5. Opening the doors to massive immigration from Muslim countries has...you guessed it, let in a wave of anti-semitic people. Not just people who mock the Jews with Seinfeld-like quips. No, no, the Muslims who are raping people also want to exterminate the Jews from planet Earth. Stop me if you've heard the story of a guy in Germany some decades ago who also hated the Jews...

She managed to accomplish these things, and all but ensure modern Germany's destruction in surprisingly short order.

So I guess in a way... being Time's "Person of the Year" is kind of fitting.