Here in the United States, New Year's Eve is a time for celebration and making crappy resolutions you have no intention to keep. But in Germany and Austria? Things get a bit more rapey. Last year, tons of women showed up to Cologne to celebrate New Year's Eve. They ended up being subjected to rapey advances (see Cologne Rape Victims Devastated as Gleeful Migrants Leave Courts Free Men... and Real Rape Culture: Guess Who Cologne Imam Blames for Sexual Assaults?).

This time, Austrian police are determined to make sure it doesn't happen again. And now they have a plan to finally help women defend themselves...

Austria's interior ministry announced early this week that it will take all necessary precautions to ensure that what happened in Cologne, Germany last year won't happen again.

In response, police in neighboring Austria plan on distributing 6,000 so-called "rape alarms" to protect women as they partake in NYE festivities. "If activated, the free gadgets will emit a shrill sound aimed at chasing away potential aggressors..."

The tools police chose to grace women with which to defend themselves? Rape alarms. Not to be confused with their less glitchy counterpart, the tried and true rape whistle. Say, this sounds a tad familiar. Sweden, too, made an embarrassing attempt at helping its disarmed female populace. It promptly failed (see To Ward Off Migrant Rape, Swedish Police Hand Out... Bracelets?!). A surprise to Swedish police, whose original idea was likely to simply tell migrants not to do the rape stuffs...

Aaaand this is why Europe is becoming a hub for all things rapish. Police already know the leagues of violence to expect from refugees at New Year's Eve celebrations. Still, keeping their rape-alarmed women defenseless isn't that big of an issue. Because as long as the Polizei are around, those women will always have at least one thing with which to defend themselves...

Now if they were asking for suggestions which might actually deter rapists, I would personally recommend putting down the rape alarm with "shrill noises" in favor of a different kind of tool. Specifically the kind which, once activated, emits loud bang! sounds while projecting a rapidly moving, small projectile recently liberated from a brass casing. A gun. If I wanted to protect women from rape, I'd arm them with guns. My motto would be: "Don't scare rapists, kill them." Simple, no?

But hey, that's just my American privilege showing. What do I possibly know about European rape culture?

Rape-riddled Europe. It's what "progress" looks like.

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