In blogging school, they teach you not to go right to the .gifs. But this is a story about Bill Cosby coming to R. Kelly's defense after Kelly was convicted of being a sex trafficker.

On Monday, disgraced pop star R. Kelly was convicted of nine counts of sex trafficking. My fellow oldheads will read that news and say ... he wasn't convicted before? This is a dude who, since the '90s, was said to have found nothing wrong with a little bump 'n' grind, even if it wasn't consensual. Or legal. He married former pop star Aaliyah in 1994 when she was only 15. People were cracking jokes about him urinating on girls and videotaping it as far back as 2004's Barbershop 2. Now, in 2021, a jury finally convicted him. He's facing up to ten years of being trapped in the closet.

Bill Cosby is, allegedly, a nonconsensual sex aficionado himself. Cosby was accused by over sixty women of drugging them and sticking his pudding pop in the people's chocolate. He was convicted and sent to prison for one of them. The conviction was overturned on a technicality earlier this year. Fresh out of jail, Cosby is taking up the cause of other "victims" of the judicial system.

Through his spokesman, Cosby had this to say about R. Kelly:

"The deck was stacked against Robert. His constitutional rights were grossly abused."

"No one fought hard for him and his attorneys didn't humanize him."

"This is a guy who made the song 'I Believe I Can Fly' when there were rumors about young girls. The song played at every wedding and in every church."

"He should have gotten better representation."

Somewhere in Chicago, a newly convicted R. Kelly can be heard yelling at his computer, "HEY, FAT ALBERT, SHUT THE F*CK UP! YOU AREN'T HELPING ME!"

Bill Cosby, fresh out of jail, needs to find things to do. Going on another comedy tour is out of the question. We can probably rule out a reboot of The Cosby Show. Please join me in praying to the gods of content that Bill Cosby takes it upon himself to be the one voice speaking out on behalf of celebrities convicted of heinous crimes. I want the Instagram LIVE between him and O.J. Simpson.

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