In Canada, a former Guantanamo Bay prisoner and terrorist is not only getting a $10 million settlement, but also an apology from the government. But not a lifetime supply of maple syrup. So slow your rage roll.

Canada, this is why we mock you. Expect more.

The Canadian government will pay former Guantanamo Bay prisoner Omar Khadr more than $10 million and apologize to him in settlement of a long-running lawsuit, sources familiar with the agreement said Tuesday.

The Toronto-born Khadr, 30, who pleaded guilty to five war crimes before a much maligned military commission in 2010 related to alleged offences that occurred in Afghanistan in 2002 when he was 15 years old, was suing the federal government for $20 million for breaching his rights.

Pause. Rewind. Play.

So this guy, who was born in Canada, pled guilty to committing war crimes in Afghanistan, and is now suing Canada for Canada breaching his rights. His rights to what, exactly? Curious minds are scratching their craniums clean off. Blowing up infidels in a foreign land for Allah? Killing people who enjoy bacon? Not demanding a lifetime supply of free nuggs?

The only other person more deserving of ten million is my left toe. Which has yet to squash a single infidel. Unless ants are included, but they shouldn't be. Those little biting bastards deserve swift deaths.

Part of the $10.5 million Khadr will get will go to his legal team, while the apology would be delivered by the justice and public safety ministers, one source said.

Justin "I Feel Pretty" Trudeau is a first world dunce who wears his polkadot boxers on his head for fashion, yes (see Canada’s Feminist, Justin Trudeau Visits Mosque. Turns Out It’s a Sexist One… and Retired General Shames Justin Trudeau for Fangirling Over Fidel Castro). But awarding a $10m settlement to a guy who was captured by U.S. troops following a firefight at a suspected al-Qaida compound that resulted in the death of an American special forces soldier? Not only the money, but an official government apology?

Who else thinks a border wall between us and Canada is a swell idea? It doesn't need to be as tall as the one we're dreaming of with Mexico. Or made of concrete. Let's just string some triggering words along the border. Ticker tape triggering. "Justin Trudeau makes love to smurfs" or "Allah raped children" should do the trick. Unless you have better ideas.

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