Earlier today, we offered you a little king hyping up his Pop Warner football team. It was a break from our usual fare of "everything sucks," "everything is terrible," and "dear God, someone do something." Regretfully, we are back to our regularly scheduled coverage of the wheels coming off the planet. A thousand puppy fetishists gathered in Germany to howl at the moon and demand you take them seriously.

Gathering at the Berlin Potsamer Platz railroad station in Germany, these *sigh* "canine beings" barked and howled each other while dressed as dogs. Ackshually, "Canine Beings" is the name of the advocacy group. I don't think they identify as "canine beings." You're free to identify them however you feel: "Freaks." "Lunatics." "Stay 200 yards away from schools." Take your pick.

I miss the world I lived in before I knew there was a such thing as puppy fetishists. It's the fault of the Biden Administration when they hired Sam Brinton as a high-level staffer at the Department of Energy, we heard all about this very specific kink.

It's become so popular, that the dog kinkers were out in full force this year when Bud Light sponsored an all-aged PRIDE parade in Toronto. They call themselves "puppy play fetishists." That is where at least the Gs and the Ts (I get confused about the other letters) pick one partner to be the dog and another partner to be the master. The dog wears a leather dog helmet and little else (obviously). Once a year, they demand to be affirmed by marching down the street in front of families.

It's not always a gay thing, though. Who can forget Toco the (sigh) human border collie? He's the Japanese man who spent $20,000 to transform himself into a border collie. An actual -- or "actual" -- border collie. Toco made his debut in the park engaging with other dogs. Where -- Toco -- walked on all fours, rolled around, and sniffed other dogs' butts. It is unclear if the other dogs knew Toco was not a real dog or not as they were sniffing each other's anuses.

Every day we stray further away from God.

><><><><><><

Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.

Facebook doesn't want you reading this post or any others lately. Their algorithm hides our stories and shenanigans as best it can. The best way to stick it to Zuckerface? Sign up for our DAILY EMAIL BLASTS! They can't stop us from delivering our content straight to your inbox. Yet.