"You're harboring my cat."

I wasn't going to click "cat pervert" when I saw it trending on the bird app today. Whenever the word "pervert" is put after a breed of animal, only bad things come of it. But I'm glad I did. What we got was a crazy man yelling at his neighbor because the crazy man's cat was hanging out in the neighbor's yard and wouldn't come home.

For you see, the crazy man believes the neighbor -- who we are assuming is not crazy -- should tell Mercury to go home. Mercury is the cat. And the neighbor is confused about how to do that since cats don't speak English and the man doesn't speak cat.

(He didn't think to address Mercury using very specific "meows.")

Never before has a Twitter handle been more deserving of the content they are sharing.

"If you would go into your yard and say 'Mercury, go home. Don't come into our yard anymore..."

"She wouldn't listen. She's a cat. She doesn't speak English."

THE NEIGHBOR EXPLAINS WHAT THE SHOOING HAND SIGNAL MEANS.

And then the reason we're all here. The crazy guy accused his neighbor of being a cat pervert. Repeatedly. And then threatened to call the cops over his neighbor being a cat pervert.

At that point, how do you come back from that? Say "no, I'm not?" The accusation is out there. A lie travels faster than the truth. It's almost as bad as having your cat smack the woke out of your mouth after declaring your pronouns.

When attempted to be reached for comment, Lady -- the stray that has been hanging out in my yard for over a decade -- refused to address the trend or the accusations made. Then she ran under my BBQ.

No one is really sure what happened to Mercury after this. I picture him walking down the street with the sad walking away song from "The Incredible Hulk" playing in the background. Mercury knows if he goes home, he'll never be allowed out again. So a life on the streets it is!

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Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.

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