A girl identifies as a cat, and both her parents and her private school are totes okay with it. This is what we're doing now in 2022.

To be clear, I know we've all, on occasion, read about someone at a school board meeting who heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another that the school put a litterbox in the girl's room for other wackadoodles who identify as catgendered felines. So far, that's all been internet innuendo. This story is legit.

There is a private school in Melbourne, Australia, where a girl is allowed to identify as a cat. The girl, let's call her Whiskers, does not speak during school hours. Unclear is if she communicates with "very specific meows" like other catgenders. Or if she spends the school day sprawled out in the sun and acting like she's better than everyone like my cat does. Whiskers is in the 8th grade. Whiskers is also said to be phenomenally bright.

A source close to the family says, and I want to quote this verbatim, "No one seems to have a protocol for students identifying as animals." However, as long as it doesn't "disrupt the school", everyone is being supportive.

The school did not comment to the newspaper about Whiskers specifically but said in a statement their approach is to take into account the well-being of the student. Many students are dealing "with a range of issues, from mental health, anxiety or identity issues."

We are left wondering how the students really feel about Whiskers versus how they pretend to feel because they don't want to get canceled on social media. I doubt Whiskers would be competitive in swimming since cats hate water. But if Whiskers ran track and was dominating the girls who identify as people, I can see some saying there's an unfair advantage. Cats are fast being able to run on all fours, while people can only run on two legs.

As of this writing, there have been no confirmable accounts of school in America celebrating and accommodating people who identify as cats. Yet.

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