This week in "WTF is Going on in China..." the state media has accused young Chinese men of being unfit to join the military. They provided a rather detailed - and embarrassing - report as to why. Peep for yourself below. Trigger warning: penis talk.

A rising number of young Chinese people are failing fitness tests required to join the army because they are too fat and masturbate too much, state media has proclaimed.

I just can't. Sorry, but not sorry:

Ahem...

The high rejection rate has triggered concerns that there are not enough youths in good physical condition to fill the ranks of the Chinese army.

A poor diet and frequent masturbation, leading to abnormally large testicular veins, are believed to be behind falling fitness levels, according to a report published in state-run military newspaper the People's Liberation Army Daily.

So the guys are exercising, kind of. Just not producing results. Well, not producing results which satisfy anyone else. But themselves.

In one city, 56.9 per cent of potential recruits were rejected after failing fitness tests. One in five was simply deemed too fat.

The report claimed 8 per cent of male candidates suffered from enlarged testicular veins. "This is related to sitting too long on computer games, excessive masturbation and too little physical activity."

Hmmm. So according to this report, video games and masturbation are super prevalent in China? Sounds about right.

In case you don't have a brain with which to notice things, China has issues (see CENSORSHIP SUMMIT: Facebook Meets with China's Propaganda Chief...). Perhaps their lack of women lead to an uptick in playing the devil's flute. Committing genocide against generations of females tends to lead to less sex. With anyone other than themselves.

Also, the Chinese government should consider the quality of life many Chinese people have access to. Male wimplings come as a direct result of whatever lifestyle is currently popular in China. The censor-happy government dictates every aspect of these people's lives (see China Bans 'Winnie the Pooh' for Resembling Their President. Not a Joke... and Beijing Bans Justin Bieber in Order to 'Purify' China).

So maybe these men are escaping into video games because they live in a shitty country run by shitty communists who have a shitty army they don't want to join. Maybe men are over eating because food is the only joy they have left. Other than the tallywhacker tempting them with pleasure promises.

Also, shrimp tempura is super fattening. Just a guess.

Behold, the flaccid result of communism.

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