Save a mask, wear a life! Wait. Wear a life, save a mask! Darn it. Once more with feeling? "WEAR A MASK, SAVE A LIFE!" chant the obedient hordes as they sometimes break social distancing measures they claim to support in order to beat up an un-masked fiend. I see this sentiment not just on social media, but in state edicts, decreed by governors thinking themselves kings. In Washington State, parts of California, and the supposed free Republic of Texas (lol), masks are required lest you get fined or slapped with a misdemeanor. Never mind that just a few months ago the same "experts" now telling us to mask up were telling us not to mask up. We're over a hundred days into 15 days to slow the spread. This COVID-19 virus' mortality rate is only getting weaker (according to the CDC) so we must all wear face diapers. If you ask questions, you're a killer who doesn't even wash their hands after they tinkle. I heard all about it in the Facebook comments. So what does some of the science actually say about masks? According to a 2015 National Center for Biotechnology Study aptly titled "A cluster randomised trial of cloth masks compared with medical masks in healthcare workers" those cloth masks might actually be making your health worse.

Results
The rates of all infection outcomes were highest in the cloth mask arm, with the rate of ILI statistically significantly higher in the cloth mask arm (relative risk (RR)=13.00, 95% CI 1.69 to 100.07) compared with the medical mask arm. Cloth masks also had significantly higher rates of ILI compared with the control arm. An analysis by mask use showed ILI (RR=6.64, 95% CI 1.45 to 28.65) and laboratory-confirmed virus (RR=1.72, 95% CI 1.01 to 2.94) were significantly higher in the cloth masks group compared with the medical masks group. Penetration of cloth masks by particles was almost 97% and medical masks 44%.

Conclusions
This study is the first RCT of cloth masks, and the results caution against the use of cloth masks. This is an important finding to inform occupational health and safety. Moisture retention, reuse of cloth masks and poor filtration may result in increased risk of infection. Further research is needed to inform the widespread use of cloth masks globally. However, as a precautionary measure, cloth masks should not be recommended for HCWs, particularly in high-risk situations, and guidelines need to be updated.

I bolded the part for the people calling me a murderer for refusing to wear a embroidered gold star face mask. If you're still screaming into your mask and can't read due to fogging your glasses, let me put it another way: medical masks stop about 66% of the bad stuff entering/exiting your schnauze and la boca grande. That designer cloth mask you picked up from Target filters 3% of the bad stuff. Meaning you may as well ditch the whole thing. Because, based on the conclusions above, moisture retention in the mask you shove in your pocket, or hang on your rearview mirror so we can all applaud your life-saving ways, may actually increase your risk of getting sick.

So if I'm reading this right, your "life-saving" cloth mask is possibly making you more susceptible to infection. Read: sicker. And if you're sicker, and out there spreading your sick germs because the masked-wonders seem unable to keep six feet from me (they're masks, not forcefields) then you're actually spreading more of your germs. But please. Award yourselves points for caring about grandma more than I do.

Also, PSA: clean your phone with one of your Clorox wipes. No point rubbing your hands raw with Purell if you keep using the germ hotel as you hate peck about the genocide being committed by us mask-skeptics.

This study being from five years ago is important for one main reason: it's obviously not tainted by any kind of agenda around the WuHuFlu. Before someone says "but a lot has changed in five years" please remember what we're talking about. The iPhone has changed a lot in five years (it's still covered in your germs). Facebook has changed a lot in five years. Cloth hasn't changed in five years. If it has, I just don't recall Dr. Fauci showcasing how cloth masks have been revolutionized ala the MacBook Pro. But if I'm wrong, I'm sure you'll tell me about it after huffing and puffing your own carbon dioxide.

Ask me again why I hate masks.

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