CNN has a problem figuring out what to do with their tragic irrelevance. Evidenced by their plethora of stories about Trump's hardcore Diet Coke habit. A dog ear resembling trump. And now, a truck keeping them from watching the president's every golf swing. CNN does all this while making sweet love to a poster of Trump in their office. According to an anonymous source.

CNN, who stalked Trump like a bunny-killing psycho, was disrupted by a big white truck:

The president and his staff doesn't really tell us when he's golfing and we have taken to going outside the golf course and filming him as he golfs through a break in hedges near the club. Today, a big white box truck parked in front of those hedges trying to obscure our shot of President Trump golfing. No, this may seem trivial, but it is important to get video of the president as he does these things on a daily basis and it gets to something that is larger. The president and the White House have tried to obscure the fact that President Trump golfs on a regular basis.

A Justin Bieber stalker might take to sitting outside in the greenery surrounding the Bieb's home. Because fans need to know what he does on a day-to-day basis. It's not an obsession it's, er, uh, surveillance. Yeah, yeah. People need to know what Bieber does on a daily basis. Anyone who tries to obscure the truth that Bieber uses 8 Minute Abs is impeding national security. Everyone knows crunches are over-rated.

Yeah, we get it. Trump's president. But to watch a president through the hedges, to admit you're watching him through the hedges, and not understand the level of creep in your own practices is moderately disturbing. Remove the "moderately." We already knew CNN has the self-awareness of a pet rock. But this "Our View of Trump Got Ran Over by a White Truck" (sung to the tune of "Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer") takes the fruitcake.

~Co-written by Nichole Cooper and Courtney Kirchoff

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