The last time there was a festival in Cologne, it was New Year's Eve. Amongst the fireworks and yuletide feelings, a thousand women (who were asking for it apparently) were sexually assaulted by Muslim refugees. Hey, the festive spirit was moving them too, just in different ways. Some Western men and women share a kiss, maybe in Islam you just rape a little bit. It's cultural, you racist, try to understand. Plus some of these women were "half naked" as in the men could see their faces. Burkas are making a ton more sense, aren't they ladies?

Well officials in Germany made excuses for why they couldn't stop the real war on women, conducted via migrants who were welcomed with cheer months earlier, and the police tried throwing a burka over the scandal. Thanks to this nifty thing called the Internet, a lot of women have aired their grievances with not only their governments, but against Islamic men.

The solution to the migrant rape culture? You're going to love this. A leaflet campaign teaching Muslim migrants to just say "No" to the rape. I'm as serious as herpes. Officials in Germany are handing out flyers explaining to the refugees how to properly behave themselves.

Cologne and Bonn carnival organisers have begun handing out rules for refugees for next week's jollity - with warnings about women, alcohol and urinating in public.

The cities are on edge after mass sexual assaults by immigrants against hundreds of women on New Year's Eve in Cologne. The number of complaints resulting from the frenzy in and around the main station now stands at over 820.

Carnival is, if anything, even bigger than New Year in the Rhineland where cities like Bonn, Cologne and Dusseldorf go crazy in a week long celebration of parades, parties, dances and fetes.

Okay, if you're bothered by "Islamophobia" or if you scream "RACIST" every time someone who is not white, Christian or male is criticized, I'm issuing a massive trigger warning. Get thee to a safe space, preferably one far away from any Muslim man, so as you're not raped or stoned. Tell me when you're there.

Good, so let's ask ourselves when our minds have ever been changed by a pamphlet. Think back. Think long, think hard. When someone handed you a flyer about correcting a behavior that's been ingrained in you since that first time you laid your head on a rug facing east, was your mind blown? The topic in this case is a systemic disrespect for women, their bodies, their humanity. Sure, this is a difficult mental exercise, for despite the feminists railing on about "rape culture" here in the USA, it just doesn't exist. Perhaps that is why the people in Germany are at such a loss. I can see it now. They're all sitting around a giant table, after having formed the "Committee of Peoples For the Cultural Appropriation of The Muslim Rapists," nomming on their coffee and schnitzel. Someone has an epiphany and says "LEAFLETS!"

Kind of like those "In case the plane crashes, here's how not to drown in the water should you survive the impact," pamphlet right behind the barf bag. Don't know about you, but I find those super useful. In case of an epic tragedy, keep your face free of emotions. Use a seat as a flotation device. Don't bleed out and get eaten by a shark.

Same applies to the Don't Rape The Women pamphlet. In case you see a woman's face, her hand, maybe even (gasp) her ankle, keep your face free of emotion. Use your jacket pockets as restraining devices. Do not rape or pillage her.

Look, in all seriousness, if you have to tell men not to rape women because it's just a little passé, you have a big problem. Especially if you also have to tell them not to act like dogs by urinating wherever they darn well feel like it. Hey, don't call me a racist, I told you to get into your safe space. Not my fault you came out and got peed on by reality.

We're still waiting for the SJW feminist reaction. Our microphones are at the press conference. Gathering dust.

Speaking of disgusting things, rape is popular in Islam. Watch Toni Bugle talk about exposing Muslim rape culture in the UK.

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