It's not you, it's me. I hope we can remain friends. No, those pants don't make you look fat. I love it when your mother comes to visit. I really hope we can spend all day at the mall. If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor. If you like your plan, you can keep your plan.

All lies. Because surprise, the ObamaCare disaster train rolls on. It's coming for you, your family, your pet dog. It would've taken your goldfish had you not flushed it down the toilet. Lucky bastard took the easy way out.

Before taxpayer-provided subsidies, premiums for a midlevel benchmark plan will increase an average of 25 percent across the 39 states served by the federally run online market, according to a report from the Department of Health and Human Services. Some states will see much bigger jumps, others less.

A 25% rate increase. I bolded so you wouldn't miss it. To lessen the sticker-shock come 2017. What were you going to do with that "disposable" income anyway? Car payment? Groceries? Your rent/mortgage? Wow, aren't you spoiled. There are people across the world who live in huts, you know. Best you start prioritizing your "health" or pay the penalty. The penalty in this case is called the "shared responsibility tax." The Obama Administration has a way with the words. They did christen this little number "affordable."

But wait, there's more. Buy higher premiums and you'll have fewer options!

Moreover, about 1 in 5 consumers will only have plans from a single insurer to pick from, after major national carriers such as UnitedHealth Group, Humana and Aetna scaled back their roles.

Surely, surely you'll have more health care providers to choose from, yes? The price increase should provide something in exchange for more of your hard-earned cash.

The total number of HealthCare.gov insurers will drop from 232 this year to 167 in 2017, a loss of 28 percent. (Insurers are counted multiple times if they offer coverage in more than one state. So Aetna, for example, would count once in each state that it participated in.)

Switching insurers may not be simple for patients with chronic conditions.

Enrollment has been lower than initially projected, and insurers say patients turned out to be sicker than expected. Moreover, a complex internal system to help stabilize premiums has not worked as hoped for.

Lemme sum up:

Even leftist outfit Vox.com admits this is a pretty crappy scenario:

In either case, these numbers are bad news for Obamacare — we just don’t know how bad, exactly, the news is at this point.

All by design.

I hate to be a bragadicous know-it-all, but no I don't. On this site alone we've covered the oozing pustule that is ObamaCare more times than Lena Dunham turns straight men gay (ObamaCare Rates to Increase more than Predicted. WAY More and Bill Clinton Doubles Down, Reminds Voters How Much ObamaCare Sucks). So the price hikes are only news-worthy because Obama's Administration confirmed it. Remember when Obama was campaigning for ObamaCare and said you would save, on average $2000 on premiums? Aw. Memories.

Big picture for a second. For years the "Affordable" Care Act has gotten worse. Like if Amy Schumer went on an all carb diet. Sure, the government is terrible at running anything larger than a rotary lawn mower. Even that's questionable. But to chalk up the burning disaster as simple common government mismanagement is naive. ObamaCare was designed to fail, which is exactly what it's doing. Too many sick people are in the system, and more healthcare companies are bowing out. Leaving a wide opening for a savior. Someone to come along and simplify it, to fix the system so everyone is insured, safe, miserable. A single payer system.

Yes, the savior of healthcare will be the exact same people who destroyed it. So they can come in and save it. You errant leftists reading this post might be surprised by my little prediction. But please come back here and apologize when I turn out to be right. I won't be pleased about the result of my rightness, but your butt-kissing will brighten the gloomy day. I promise I'll wear clean pants.

For those of you who retained all of your brain cells and knew Obama was a sack of lying dog feces set aflame on your front porch, please don't go the way of the gold fish. We need you paying into the system. Stay healthy, friends. #Teamwork

NOT SUBSCRIBED TO THE PODCAST? FIX THAT! IT’S COMPLETELY FREE ON BOTH ITUNES HERE AND SOUNDCLOUD HERE.