There is a reason why your campaign finance attorney is the highest-paid person on retainer. The laws are so murky and confusing, a friend giving you cash for cleavage can cause an ethics issue. A councilwoman is finding this out the hard way. El Monte Councilwoman Victoria Martinez Muela forgot to report $1100 for a boob job on her finance report. The $1100 came from a lobbyist friend. Now there is an ethics commission and embarrassing headlines according to The Daily Mail.

Our story begins in 2016. Councilwoman Victoria Martinez Muela was looking to augment her chesticles. She was apparently $1100 short. Her friend Sigrid Lopez, who is a lobbyist, had an extra $1100 laying around. She gave it to a plastic surgeon. The plastic surgeon gave Martinez Muela more robust jugs. Then one day, Councilwoman Martinez Muela shows up at work and her colleagues had trouble maintaining eye contact with her. You know, because everyone loves boobs.

At the time, Lopez's former employer had a $700,000 proposal before the city council for a public transportation contract. This was when Lopez gave Martinez Muela's plastic surgeon the $1100 and told him "the bigger the better." Okay, so I can't confirm that was actually said. But bigger is always better, so I'd like to think the conversation happened at some point. Still, when you have a lobbyist giving a councilwoman money for anything -- even something as noble and just as bigger knockers -- it might raise a red flag or two.

Fast forward five years. El Monte Mayor Andre Quintero caught wind of this and snitched to the Los Angeles District Attorney's office. He filed an ethics complaint with the DA AND a complaint to California's Fair Political Practices Commission. Mayor Quintero contends that because the councilwoman failed to report the extra $1100 on her finance report, it was illegal. The law at the time said elected officials could only accept gifts up to $460. Even if that was per boob, it would still fall under the $1100.

Councilwoman Martinez Muela claims the allegations are to mask the mayor's $12 million dollar deficit, adding she has "always put the community first and does not cower to special interest groups. Ironically, those that would put this allegation forward omit the fact that this personal loan did not serve any favor at all." Maybe not politically, no. I'm sure the special person in the councilwoman's life favors them as often as they're allowed.

Unclear is how this oopsie was uncovered five years later. Maybe the mayor knew about it back then and was saving it for a political attack when the time was right. If that's the case, I'm not sure who the bigger boob is: the left one, the right one, or Mayor Quintero.

The facts presented as they are, I have to side with the councilwoman. Two reasons. The first is the obvious one. Just because, boobs. But also, in politics, $1100 isn't a bribe. That wouldn't get you two for one Steak-umm Tuesday's if you were bribing the school council. It's just the case of one friend helping another friend out and making mammaries in the process. That should be celebrated and not turned into a political scandal.

Also, and I can't stress this enough, BOOBIES!

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Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.

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