Dear Bill Nye the ugly bowtie-wearing fascist guy,

Your most recent ramblings on the subject of science have been anything but scientific. Which leads me to conclude you have not learned of it. Scientists, dear Bill Nye, real scientists (not just ones who don a lab coat and call themselves scientists) seek truth. It's why they have a hypothesis, and through a specific process, try to prove or disprove it. This is commonly known as "the scientific method."

What scientists don't do? Desire imprisonment of those who disagree with their beliefs. Scientists may not like the conclusion other scientists have proven. Especially if it interferes with their own scientific findings. Thus bruising delicate egos. But scientists, on the whole, do not call for the jailing of those people who dissent with an unproven hypothesis. It's a bit, how shall we say it? Jackassish. Douche-baggy. Or...

Bill Nye, you're as much a scientist as Lena Dunham is a "rape victim." Thanks. In forcing my hand with that analogy, you just made me throw up a little.

You, Bill, a self-proclaimed scientist, have made it known to the free-thinking world, that because you believe man-made global warming climate change is real, because you believe climate change affects your life, that people who deny its existence, or man's involvement in the changing of the Earth's climate, should be jailed.

You're nothing more than a political hack who requires a safe space from dissenting opinions. Criticism? You can't handle it. Opposing view points? "Take them to the stocks!" Your arrogance, your firm belief that your agenda is gospel, that anyone who dissents should be tossed into a dungeon, runs counter to the basic tenants of science. It also undercuts your own title. The self-given one. More on that later.

Bill, you call people who are skeptical of global warming climate change "deniers." May I not so kindly remind you that amongst those skeptics are actual, real scientists? They don lab coats not for the camera, but to enter an actual lab. With, like, beakers and stuff. Bunsen burners. You know, sciencey things. Yes, actual sciencey stuffy can be confusing. Especially for non-scientists. Hence why you find yourself so vexed.

Many of these same scientists you'd jail, believe man-made climate change is complete crap (read MYTH BUSTED: Climate Change 'Consensus of Scientists' Is Idiotic). Tens of thousands of them. Reminder, Billy, they're real scientists. Not graduates of UC LOL. Let's also note these same real scientists are not calling for you to be strung up by your suspenders and hauled into solitary. They're actively debating the science of the matter. You? You're calling on the government to silence their dissension.

If you were sitting around a table playing poker with the world's elitist thinkers, that right there is what they'd call a "tell." Real scientists do not go groveling to daddy government to punish those meanies who disagree with them. In fact neither do real men. But we'll leave the weight of your testicles for another discussion. We haven't the time for that minutia, seeing as they're measured in milligrams.

Galileo, one of history's greatest scientists, was censured for his unpopular belief, and subsequent proof of the Copernican theory: a sun-centric--not earth-centric--universe. Galileo's science was as unpopular then as the notion human beings cannot catastrophically change the planet's climate is today. If we enter the TARDIS to journey back in time, using the same sorts of terms employed today, Galileo would be deemed an "earth-centric denier." Galileo, as you would've advised, was put under house arrest. Because he denied a consensus. He shifted the equilibrium on conventional thought, that of the sun revolving around the earth.

Clearly his plight entered naught into your irrational reaction to climate change denial. Ergo this letter. Bonus for me.

How do you justify the imprisonment of people who disagree with you?

For me as a taxpayer and voter – the introduction of this extreme doubt about climate change is affecting my quality of life as a public citizen.

Wonderful, the good old "general welfare" clause. If those words didn't make their appearance, you'd not remember any part of the Constitution at all. How dastardly scientific of you. Look out Isaac Newton, it's Bill Nye the General Welfare Guy! This is the one clause that inevitably rears its ugly head when leftist authoritarians are incapable of substantiating their argument. It is under this rainbow spotted umbrella that you will find constitutional human right to "free healthcare, school, food, tap-water and yes... the ability to jail people who disagree with you. GENERAL WELFARE, Y'ALL!"

Who are you willing to jail first? The 30,000 scientists who signed the skeptic pledge (including thousands of hyper-qualified atmospheric scientists). Is it limited to only them? What about the professors who disagree with your bordering-on-religious theory? Students? What about the parents who espouse skeptical opinions to their children in the privacy of their own homes?

Do these questions sound silly? They're actually as serious as a Hillary Clinton's husband's rape victims. Because when YOU say you want to see people jailed for contrarian opinions, what you are saying is that you believe the government has the right to send people with guns to take these people away. To prison. Because you're the one making such a drastic and radical claim, you are required to define exactly who you're talking about. And how their jailing is enacted.

No, Bill Nye, on second thought, I don't think we're going to fall in line with your fascist ways. I think the rest of us will stick with that First Amendment thing. You know, the right for me to tell you to go screw yourself. Call me out-dated.

Written by Steven Crowder and Courtney Kirchoff