Dear feminist "women" who pop birth control like it's candy,

You've likely been told a hundred times by now that your movement is cancer. That your logic is as solid as the gelatinous models used as your movement's representatives. That your fight for free birth control is silly, because your fuzzy, electric blue armpits do the trick. If you haven't been told these things already, feel free to henceforth consider yourself officially informed. You're welcome.

But I'm not writing this to tell you you're sauntering, gutter-dwelling bovines. The truth is, you don't need me to. That's a realization better left between you and the mirror.

This also isn't a letter to declare my disgust for feminism, because my problem isn't with "feminism," it's with you - the feminists. See, your self-absorption is showing. You feminists have taken up the mantle of "defending women's interests," but how can you when you resent the very definition of "woman" itself? I see the stout little bridge troll behind the curtain. You're fooling nobody.

Let's cut through the leg hair - you don't care about women. Especially women in third world countries (read Dear 'Feminists': You'll Never Be Relevant Until You Address Islam's Real Rape Culture). What you do care about is scoring free tampons, free abortions, free medical attention, and a free pass to do or be whatever you please sans judgement. All of which you do in the name of "equality for women"... Which is really just code for "more things for me."

Meanwhile, the women whose rights you claim to champion? They're self-harming via the masochistic philosophy you feminists push. When's the last time you created an "opportunity" for women? You know, besides the possibility of a female draft. These days feminists do little else but destroy everything their chubby, blue-dye-stained hands touch.

How have you accomplished this grand feat? Thanks for asking. Allow me to explain.

You've hijacked - and successfully destroyed - the definition of beautiful. You've unleashed an unsolicited war on the family unit. You encourage women to destroy their own bodies by propagating unhealthy, unhygienic, unwholesome lifestyles (see UNDERSTANDING "BODY PRIDE": Celebrate Fat But... Demonize Fit?!). Yes, I mean you embrace the behemoth. If one of such a stature can be embraced.

Ever seen Tess Holliday? (Dear Fat Feminists... No Thanks. Feat. Tess Holliday) She's hard to miss - all 400 pounds of her. Yeah, you helped to create that monster heifer. You enabled her, and she in turn enables other young, impressionable, fat feminists in the making. I suspect if one truly "cared" for women, one wouldn't encourage said women to lead a lifestyle that oft leaves them dead before 60. Diabetes and all.

But why do you support such unhealthy behaviors and lifestyle choices for women? Simple: you resent the idea of "woman." That's why you've gone to such lengths to destroy what "woman" means. Fake boobs and drag makeup? Doesn't count. Sorry Bruce, I don't care how great your eyeshadow is (it's pretty good, just for the record).

But being a woman goes beyond mere physical appearances. Which, ironically, is what you feminists have reduced it to. While simultaneously saying "eff your beauty standards," you made being a woman all about physical appearance. Hence the "redefining beauty" campaign. You didn't do away with beauty, you just gave it a new unsightly, pudgy definition.

Womanhood is innate; not every female is a woman, but every woman is a female. See how that works? There are multiple aspects to womanhood. Spiritual, physical, emotional.

But instead of encouraging women to realize there is value in not only beauty but also ability, heart, intelligence, and talent, you spread a message of everyone is "beautiful" no matter what. Thus cheapening the term, and stripping individuals of any uniqueness or identity.

Instead of encouraging women to guard their hearts and value themselves, you told them to get "sexually liberated." Which leads mostly to heartbrokenness and STDs, not fulfillment. But hey, free birth control.

So, feminists? You're a bunch of gluttonous hacks. You don't care about women, and really, how could you? You're hardly women yourselves.

Written by Kacie Burnett (who can also be seen interviewed on the podcast below)