Dear leftists who, despite preaching it, have zero self-esteem,

You people make me sad. Any time anything goes sideways, your first reaction is loop in the government to solve the "problem." It doesn't matter what that "anything" is. Mass shooting? Blame the gun, petition the government to regulate guns. Dip or rise in temperature? Petition the government to do something about the planet. Someone called you fat? Petition the government to censor free speech. But first, yes, I'll have fries with that. Toss in a milkshake.

"Fat shame" at your own peril...

About ten years ago I went into Kinko's to get something printed. I was a relatively new college graduate, and unlike you, I was able to get a job a few months out of school. Couple of things there: I moved away from home, the job wasn't my dream job in my dream field but I took it anyway. Perspective, kids. I had it. Anyway, I was at Kinkos paying for the thing. Up came the sales tax, prompting my go-to, uncomfortable small talk with the attendant. "Freaking sales tax. I hate the government," I said (few things change). The attendant replied: "Yeah, well, they take care of us."

Uh... Awkward. But illustrative. "The government takes care of us," is what that poor schmuck said because he believed it. I wish I'd retorted, "The government doesn't take care of me, I take care of me." Maybe with a zinger about refilling the toner as I twirled the keys of my BMW and click-clacked my Prada heels out of the store. Alas, I wore Danskos and drove a Honda.

Middle-class-shame me at your own peril...

Did you ask why your first reaction is not to seek answers for yourself, but to go waddling to government to take care of you? Rhetorical question. You don't ask any questions at all, other than what can the government do to solve your second grade level problem. Reminds me of a famous quotation from a famous president. "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask how much you can suck out of it." No, that's not it. Let me try again. "Ask not what your responsibility is, ask how much you can whine to get your way." No... that's not it either. Darn it. It'll come to me.

"Long-term-memory-shame" me at your own peril...

The incident at Kinkos made clear your pathetic modus operandi. You have a disturbing dependence on the motherland of Washington D.C. Which, to those of us who seek solutions from within ourselves, makes us tilt our head sideways. Or pitch them forward to barf.

When you look to government, your heart fills with harp music. Conservatives hear the main score to Psycho.

You apparently don't see cronies sitting behind desks, who congregate in committees, who sidle up to lobbyists when they're itching for more cash. They often wear hats to cover their horns. No, what you see are deities who know better than you, who you find more trustworthy than yourself or your neighbor. Not the neighbor who stinks up your living room by smoking a joint. I don't trust him either. But why not look to yourself? How little faith you must have in your own abilities...

I won't make you ponder that too long, thinking hurts. The answer to the riddle is simple: you leftists don't trust people. You don't believe in people. You don't believe in people to do the right thing. You don't believe in people to take care of themselves. You don't believe in people to watch after the poor. You just don't believe in or trust anyone. At all. Not even yourselves. You New Yorkers can't even trust yourselves around salt. Or a big gulp.

Look I don't blame you. I don't trust you either. You're a cancerous growth on the bottom of a pig's foot. Which is a disservice to the pig. And the cancer. Is anyone else hungry for bacon, or did I get that started with the fries talk seven paragraphs ago? My bad.

Humanity isn't perfect, but we're not all horrible either. But you leftists assume people are just incapable of doing anything positive for themselves. It's why you'll blame the gun for the shooting. It's why Obama said "You didn't build that." It's why you insist on continuing Social Security, because you think people are too stupid to plan ahead for their own retirement. It's why, at the root of every argument you have, the theme is a fundamental distrust in individuals. A hatred for freedom. Even a freedom to fail.

So when life gets tough, you go to an elected collective. A collective of scum and villainy. It would be funny if the cantina of crap you put all your trust into wasn't mucking up everyone else's lives. Mucking up lives because, again, you have zero trust in yourselves or your fellow humans. But plenty of trust in a collective who sit in pretty buildings on high.

Ponder that for a minute. You don't trust strangers to do the right thing, but you trust elected strangers who've made promises they've read off a teleprompter to do the right thing?

You're just children locked in the body of (probably) unattractive adults. You're a toddler in a knockoff suit, a cis-gendered princess in a pantsuit. Grow up. You're embarrassing yourselves.

Written by Courtney Kirchoff