Dearest Meryl,

You might have all the finest Hollywood trophies in all the land, all the nominations from all the lists, and all the invites from all the groupies hoping to smooch your posterior, but you lack one thing: class. Yes, Meryl, despite your successes in Tinseltown, you're still just a pompous windbag with an over-inflated sense of self-worth, likely caused by the undying adulations from aspiring actresses who just hope to be you. Desperation makes the youth blind.

Sure, plenty of "the little people" will find my allegation of your class deficiency as an affront. But allow me to present my case simple point by simple point. I'll even break up said points with plenty of white space. Like a script. Should make reading them easier for you.

At the Golden Let's Award Ourselves More Stuff Shower on Sunday night, you accepted your award with a lecture. Original. I mean that sarcastically. In the acceptance speech you upchucked typical liberal talking points like "I'm better than you are because reasons" and "Hollywood rules, Trump and Republicans drool" and my favorite "Americans are simpletons who hate foreigners but I don't' know why they vilify us pretty people in Hollywood." I'm paraphrasing of course. But because you make a living playing make-believe, you're under the erroneous impression us American simpletons must listen to your spoken words with bated breath. No.

Also, I loved your performance in Julie and Julia. Though it did make me hungry.

Firstly sweet Meryl, the reason most people watch any award ceremony is so they might see their favorite movie stars all in one place wearing pretty things. Some may even live vicariously and dream of what it would be like to be rich, famous, adorned in the finest clothes, sparkling jewels, and scoring arm candy as a date. What the people do not turn in for is lukewarm political commentary already served by talking heads on MSNBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, etc.

That's number one.

Number two is the main reason your favorite president won the election: Americans don't hate foreigners. They hate illegal immigrants invading their country. So you're "let's go around the room and tell everybody where you're from and what's your favorite color" demonstration? Please do it again next year, we have more elections to win. Also, the people you called out? They're all working, contributing members of society who likely entered the country legally or were already born here. Which means your point of trying to draw parallels between your glitterati pals and the rule-flouting cretins who invade our country? Missed. Not unlike Ricki and the Flash.

Also, I loved your performance in Adaptation. Though it did make me suspicious of men without front teeth.

Number three is visual. You're welcome:

Number four and my final point because I have to prepare my own food, I'm but a lowly working slob: Americans vilify you and your cohorts for the very reason you felt the need to lecture us from on high while insulting our interests. "Bad form" to quote Dustin Hoffman's Hook. I know you weren't in that one. Thank goodness. Anyway, to tell everyone you're a part of a vilified group then later say "Without us there'd only be MMA and football" is precisely why you're vilified. That and the visual above. I thought that point would be rather obvious, but clearly not.

You may have forgotten this, Meryl, but those same Americans who like football and MMA purchase movie tickets. Maybe not to your movies, but to others. Like good movies. Ones which aren't dramas better served as made for TV specials on why families hate each other.

Also, I loved your performance in The Devil Wears Prada. Though it did make me wonder how much acting was involved.

Meryl sweetie, Americans like football because it's competitive. It's unpredictable. Much the same way as MMA. It's watching elite athletes compete, the outcome is unknown. You may see such pursuits as barbaric, but I'd much rather watch someone like Amanda Nunes duke it out for a title than I would watch you, humming to yourself with a toothless man. Or schooling Anne Hathaway on the different shades of blue. Or your predictable lecture to the rest of America at the Golden Shower awards. And no, I won't apologize for calling it that.

This isn't to say that acting is not an art. I believe acting is a talent. But so are athletics. So are the thousands of people studios employ to make movies happen who do not get the representation as those who stand in front of the camera. Maybe next time thank those people. Ideas. Just ideas.

So in future, sweetie, maybe just stick to reading the script provided to you by someone far more intellectually blessed than yourself. If not for America, for the studio schleps in thankless jobs whose careers are jeopardized when irate movie-goers boycott films because of your unapologetic snobbery.

Written by Courtney Kirchoff

P.S. Crowder addresses Meryl's "overrated" status as well...