Dear Mizzou Morons and 'The Boys Who Cried Racist,"

In a matter of days, you've managed to make yourselves look like the biggest crybabies the world has seen outside of the World Cup. In the time we've laughed at you, one thing has happened: you've trivialized real racism. Congratulations turd-nuggets, by trying to make yourselves victims of an entirely fabricated problem, you've put in danger real victims of real problems. Because yes, racism exists. When we see real examples of racism, we condemn it entirely. Racism is terrible and it affects good people. However, when you cry "racism" at everything, you desensitize real incidences of racism. Kind of like how saying "RAPE" when it isn't rape, belittles actual rape victims. Perhaps you missed that story when you were growing up, but there once was a boy who cried "wolf" to get attention. When the wolf showed up for realzies, the boy cried, wailed and screamed like a pansexual feminist but no one came to save him. The feminist ate him and pooped him out in the shape of a swastika. True story.

Enter big bad fake wolf Shaun King, his skin as white as the growing ice sheet in Antarctica.

Little Shaun says this whole Mizzou controversy has been the most hateful, violent year toward black people ever. When he says "ever" what he actually means is since he signed up for Facebook. I say that only because Shaun King is as truthful as his photographs. America has been a pretty decent place since the civil rights era. Has it been perfect? Of course not, but a horrible place? No. Courtesy reminder, Oprah, a black woman, is one of the wealthiest women in the world. We have a black president. America is home to black millionaires. There's another black guy running for president this time around, too, and frankly it's a bit of a step down from neurosurgery. So how does this fake controversy at Mizzou suddenly send the country back to pre-civil rights era discrimination?

Answer's simple. The boys who cried racist. In no particular order, here are the men who poop fake stories in the shapes childhood toys:

Congressmen Clyburn and Senator Lewis claimed they were repeatedly called the N-word by Tea Party members on the capital steps. Evidence? Not so much, just the testimony from the politicians themselves. Video? Don't be silly. There was zero evidence to support the claims, while countless angles and hours of footage suggested otherwise. When Andrew Breitbart offered $10K to a black charity to anyone who could produce evidence, no one came forward. Zero.

Rep. Lewis, if you can’t do that, I’ll give him a backup plan: a lie detector test. If you provide verifiable video evidence showing that a single racist epithet was hurled as you walked among the tea partiers, or you pass a simple lie detector test, I will provide a $10K check to the United Negro College Fund.

Then Mike Brown, a dewey-eyed, college-bound, all around lovable teddy bear who was gunned down as his hands were up, pleading for the racist cop not to shoot him. Or so we were told. Narrative set, mindless automatons eagerly spread the story like herpes. Only nothing in the original narrative about Mike Brown was true. Mike Brown was a punk who assaulted police officer, Darren Wilson, and tried to take Darren Wilson's gun. Mike Brown got shot as a result. Kids, if you want to avoid getting shot by a cop, don't beat him up and try to take his gun. Science.

Shaun King, our favorite fake colored man. He's like the flavor of the week that's so popular, the ice cream chain keeps him on. But he's more vanilla than he is double fudge brownie. Which, by the way, he claimed when he said he was the victim of a hate crime (yes really, he checked the "caucasian" box when claiming to be the victim of an anti-black hate-crime). Yeah, if you're going to lie about yourself, try to be consistent. Put that piece of advice right under the tidbit about how not to get shot by a cop. When presented with countless evidence that Shaun was a white dude, including being offered fat stacks of cash to submit to a simple DNA test, he provided zero proof.

Which brings us to Mizzou and the alleged racial slurs and the supposed "poop swastika" found in the school. It was alleged in 2015, if there were a poop swastika, there would be a picture. Period. I once saw a chick taking a selfie with a stuffed animal in a store. How can you not take a photo of a poop swastika? That shit needs to get on Instagram like yesterday. Which means the shitstika was a lie, which we know now. Yeah, the poop swastika was from a YEAR ago as part of an online trolling campaign, totally unrelated to whatever is going on at Mizzou.

The shitstika was just the tip of the crap-berg. There were claims of gunshots on campus. Again, no footage, no audio, nothing. No proof. There were claims the KKK was having a rally on campus. No footage, no audio, nothing. No proof. Because it's fake. The lie-spreader has even admitted to crying KKK. A girl claims she was chased down and threatened by white supremacists. No footage, no audio, nothing. No proof. Because it never happened.

Protestors actively blocked out any reporters from documenting what was really going on. Freedom of the press wasn't allowed at Mizzou. The truth wasn't allowed at Mizzou. Yeah, we have proof. Read Students at Mizzou Create Human Shield to Block Reporters.

What did happen at Mizzou? A student went on a hunger strike in an effort to get someone to resign. The coward resigned. We then learn the student striking was Johathan Butler, a silver spoon, 7-year student from a family worth $20 million. Oh, and we have proof. Read Oppressed Mizzou 'Hunger Strike' Student is Actually Hilariously Wealthy.

Now black students on campus are calling for violent retaliatory responses to incidents that NEVER EVEN HAPPENED. Plenty of proof. What happens if the KKK actually shows up some day? What happens when there really is a heinous crime committed against blacks at Mizzou? It will be but white noise, and people will tune it out. Because #BlackLivesMatter, Mizzou and SJWS... are the boys who cried racist.