Dear whiny bitches,

The reason many women do not align with your modern, third-wave "feminism" is a simple one: modern feminists are terrible. At being women.

Let that sink in.

Sure, you're still better at being women than transwomen. What with you actually being biologically female. But when it comes to living in the real world, you're pre-teen sissies better equipped to paste unicorn stickers in your Lisa Frank journal. Dotting your i's with hearts. Or maybe pussy hats.

Over the weekend, an online outlet published the account of "Grace," who went on a bad date with Aziz Ansari. Quite possibly "Grace" thought she was adding a harrowing tale to the #MeToo movement. A movement which started out strong enough, but has devolved into a torch-lit hunt, with the aims of scalping men for no other reason than the collective rage of women scorned.

Side-note: real assault and real misconduct, as perpetrated by Harvey Weinstein and his ilk, are actual problems. But what Aziz Ansari allegedly did, isn't even on the same spectrum as Weinstein.

Grace's account was not one of rape, assault, misconduct, or harassment. My opinions of Aziz Ansari don't matter. Grace consented. Dare I say it? Grace behaved like a slut. What else do you call a woman who goes into a man's apartment, gets naked, and performs oral sex with a man she barely knows? Of course Grace doesn't want to be a slut. She wants to be a heroine in a fantasy of feminism's creation. A fantasy where a WOMYN is somehow the victor over a man. For being a man's victim?

Grace performed sexual favors, acted in a sexual manner, and surprise, feels regretful. Rather than say "Hey, maybe the reason I feel shitty is because I acted with less dignity than an unpaid whore," she cried about it to an online site.

Grace's main gripe was a famous man didn't read her mind, didn't sense her tone. Perhaps her signals got crossed while her lips were on his crotch. Just an idea.

Grace is as much a hero as Ansari is a villain. There was no winner in that story, nor was there a loser. Except basic decency. Many points can be extrapolated from Grace's tale of self-pity (which she blamed on a man) but my key takeaway: third-wave, modern "feminism" is a collective safe space for weak, pathetic women.

Here's how a non-feminist woman would've behaved in Grace's situation, had she not wanted to get down and dirty. If a man she'd just met asked her up to his apartment after an evening of flirting and kissing, she'd decline. Because a man asking you to his apartment after an evening of kissing wants more. It's not a mystery. "Men want sex" is what girls are told by their protective fathers. A point reiterated with basic life experience.

If she has the spinal integrity of anything more than a singled cell amoeba, our non-feminist heroine would also define expectations. If she wanted to go into the apartment for drinks, she would say "Sure, I'll join you for drinks. But nothing more." Or better yet, just get drinks at the bar. Without banding together the feminist drum circle for bra burning and manbun scalping sometime after the fact, with the hopes of destroying a man's career and life.

Just because you're a powderpuff who can't turn on the radio without hearing PATRIARCHY every time a man introduces a song, doesn't mean the patriarchy is out to rape your ears of the virtue you never had. Your constant bitchfests need to stop!

A woman wouldn't cry about what a whiny cow she is to the entire world, unless she, like all of you, is more pathetic than a single shoe tossed on the roadside. If a sane woman is having a bad time on a date, she finds a way to end it. Either in a polite fashion, or not. Here, write these down for next time:

"It was really nice meeting you. Goodbye."

"I've had a nice time, Aziz, but it's time for me to call it a night."

"I'd rather not put my mouth on your dick. I kindly suggest you use your hand to call me a cab, then screw yourself."

"Your dick can suck itself, I'm out of here you pig." Door slamming optional (though not all women would've even GONE IN THE APARTMENT)!

Non-feminist ladies have backbone. Integrity. Gumption. We don't put ourselves in situations which may lead us to harm, then boo-hoo about it online. I can't believe that needs to be said.

Feminists, you band together like this, in your digital safe spaces, because you're too weak to stand up for yourselves. Rather than assess your frailty for what it is, you claim one woman being a spineless butter muffin is FEMINISM. Instead of saying "I had a bad date, maybe next time I shouldn't act a harlot" it's "THIS MAN VICTIMIZED ME!'

Enough! You're nothing but whiny seacows in an ocean of your own misery, who excuse your own failings on others, typically men.

Grow the hell up. Learn to stand up for yourself. Tell creepy perverts to go screw themselves (like the rest of ladies have done since the dawn of time) and focus your efforts on causes worthy of it. Like ACTUAL sexual assault and misconduct. NOT "this date was kind of icky, ergo...rape?"

We clear?

~ Written by Courtney Kirchoff