Rich bastards! It's time to spread the wealth around! If you're part of the 1%, you're part of the problem!

Or... is it?

Perhaps the greatest economic misconception of the 21st Century is the idea that 1% of the world's population are greedy jerks who keep the other 99% of the earth living in poor houses made of mud and tears.

Think the top 1% are billionaires? Nope. Millionaires? Nada. Well, they're at least cracking $750K, right? Wrong again. In fact, YOU are probably far more affulent than you realize. And you disgust me for it. Let's look at the numbers, American style:

If you make more than $100,000, you're in the top 20%.

If you make more than $149,000, you're in the top 10%.

If you make more than $522,000, BINGO, you're a 1%'er. You're probably a greedy jerk too, so screw you.

This is just a guess, but even if you don't fall into one of these categories, chances are, you at least know somebody who does fall into any of the above categories. Which makes you a second-hand 1 percenter. That's like a second-hand smoker only more vile. You probably don't even think of those friends as being rich, but they are compared to the rest of the world. And these are the people leftists tell us are causing all the world's problems, including the diminishing bee population (not really, but maybe one day), who need to do more for the country by paying their "fair share." Except, that top 1% of earners already pays more in taxes than the bottom 90% (that'd be EVERYONE making less than $149K) COMBINED. Behold, graphs:

Oh, and by the way? If you're under 31 and make over $300,000 - you're in the top 0.1%. For realzies. Check out this chart from The Atlantic:

But let's take things a step further. If we expand the comparison globally, you become waaaaay wealthier than imagined. Like Scrooge McDuck from Ducktales, swimming in a vault of coin.

The average yearly income on a global scale? $1,225.

Yeah. You're rich. Bastard. How does it feel to cause global warming? Even if "your" money is sent to you on a bi-weekly basis from the US treasury... you're rich. And kind of a succubus, but that's for another article.

If you make more than a whopping $34,000 a year? You are in the top 1% of the world's wealthy.

Over half of the world's 1%'ers (those making $34K+), live in the United States.

Maybe you're not so bad off after all, Mr. college hipster making $15 serving coffee, huh? Maybe life isn't so bad climbing the corporate ladder for "just" $75K a year, is it? Also, a nutless monkey could do your job. You mad? Please leave room for cream.

Angry barista is angry.

Saying the wealthy need to pay more (paging Bernie Sanders), is really saying we all need to pay more.  Because really, you're rich. If you're an American, you're rich. Like, super, ridiculously rich. Period. Also, you have running water, a flushing toilet, probably a phone of some kind, a flat screen, and maybe a Netflix subscription. So please, stop the whining. It's getting old.

SO, how rich are YOU?

Here's a fun tool created by Giving What we Can: you punch in your income and household size, they tell you how rich you are compared to the rest of the world. You'll probably be shocked. And that's a good thing. Seriously. Go try it. Like, right now, money-bags.

Lesson? If you're living in the USA, you're a greedy one-percenter and a bastard for it. Screw you with your flushing toilet and your five figure annual income. All this comes down to dollars, common sense, and perspective. The United States is a bastion of wealth, even for the "poor" Americans binge watching Orange is the New Black. Our top income earners aren't paying their "fair share," they're paying YOUR share too. So get the numbers, memorize them, and every time you hear a gender-studies hipster talk to you about the one percent and shares and fairness and the latest iPhone, tell them about the real facts. If they'll listen.