We need to modify the expression: "The only certainties in life are death and taxes." Perhaps we should append to read "There's nothing more certain than leftists trying to blame all the world's problems on the right." The same ideology which lauds abortion as a "brave choice;" the same ideology which says a woman is anyone who wants to be a woman despite some who are still, in fact, biologically male; the same ideology which denounces capitalism, the most effective way to bring people out of poverty, while claiming to be champions of the poor; the same ideology which rushes to blame mankind for "climate change;" has the hutzpah to blame right wing America on making Islamists into terrorists.

This is why we cannot have nice things. It's also why some people no longer have heads.

You could double your money if you lay down generous bets that every time there's a terrorist attack, a leftist will chant one of the following: All religion is bad. White men commit terrorism too, and the subject of this column Right wing America is to blame.

Aside from the wonton disregard of logic, let's first explore wonton disregard of history.

1. Islam was violent before the United States, it's been violent throughout the existence of the United States, and it will be violent should the United States ever cease to exist. As leftists love to tell you while they're trying to throw all religion under the skull-crushing tanks of Islam, "All religion is crap, just look at the Crusades!" So, let's...

The Crusades are commonly used to blame Christianity, mainly Catholicism, for invading "peaceful" and "learned" Muslim-controlled countries. Listen to a leftist and he/she/ze will tell you the Crusaders just rode in for the heck of it to kill the Muslims. Just to kill them. For sport. This was long before AR-15s, mind you, so people were generally killed with blades. But an examination of the Crusades, mainly the cause of them, paints the story with a different brush:

For starters, the Crusades to the East were in every way defensive wars. They were a direct response to Muslim aggression—an attempt to turn back or defend against Muslim conquests of Christian lands...

Christians in the eleventh century were not paranoid fanatics. Muslims really were gunning for them. While Muslims can be peaceful, Islam was born in war and grew the same way. From the time of Mohammed, the means of Muslim expansion was always the sword. Muslim thought divides the world into two spheres, the Abode of Islam and the Abode of War. Christianity—and for that matter any other non-Muslim religion—has no abode. Christians and Jews can be tolerated within a Muslim state under Muslim rule. But, in traditional Islam, Christian and Jewish states must be destroyed and their lands conquered.

With enormous energy, the warriors of Islam struck out against the Christians shortly after Mohammed's death. They were extremely successful. Palestine, Syria, and Egypt—once the most heavily Christian areas in the world—quickly succumbed. By the eighth century, Muslim armies had conquered all of Christian North Africa and Spain. In the eleventh century, the Seljuk Turks conquered Asia Minor (modern Turkey), which had been Christian since the time of St. Paul. The old Roman Empire, known to modern historians as the Byzantine Empire, was reduced to little more than Greece. In desperation, the emperor in Constantinople sent word to the Christians of western Europe asking them to aid their brothers and sisters in the East.

That is what gave birth to the Crusades. They were not the brainchild of an ambitious pope or rapacious knights but a response to more than four centuries of conquests in which Muslims had already captured two-thirds of the old Christian world. At some point, Christianity as a faith and a culture had to defend itself or be subsumed by Islam. The Crusades were that defense.

Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it and may be burned alive by a radical Islamist. I'm just on a euphemism roll today.

2. Islam has entirely been spread through violence and breeding (see also point one). Despite the myth that Muslims spout about it being the fastest growing religion, it's not. Turns out media quotes are not facts. Somebody should tell them. And it certainly isn't growing by conversion. It grows by dominance, rape and violence. Look no further than how Islam is being spread today. This is important because the historical timeline provides context looooong before America. See again point numero uno. See also what Islam says about how to convert people. Listed here. You're welcome.

"Slay the idolaters wherever you find them. Arrest them, besiege them, and lie in ambush everywhere for them. If they repent and take to prayer and render the alms levy, allow them to go their way. God is forgiving and merciful" (Surah 9:5).

In other words: convert or die.

"Fight against those to whom the Scriptures were given as believe in neither God nor the last day, who do not forbid what God and his messenger have forbidden, and who do not embrace the true faith, until they pay tribute out of hand and are utterly subdued" (Surah 9:29).

Lemme translate: if you're a Jew or a Christian, you'll be taxed and forced to live as a second-class citizen... or killed. "Utterly subdued," is not a phrase to be taken lightly.

"Believers, why is it that when you are told: ‘March in the cause of God,’ you linger slothfully in the land? Are you content with this life in preference to the life to come? . . . If you do not go to war, he [God] will punish you sternly, and will replace you by other men" (Surah 9:38-39).

Which means if you're a peaceful Muslim who isn't waging jihad, God will punish you sternly and replace you with other men. It's much different than God's commandment of "Thou shalt not kill." But right, all religion is the problem.

3. The left wing mantra of "radical Islam is a reaction to American occupation!" maybe makes sense for, oh, a second. Until you look at anywhere else violent Islam has reared its ugly, burka-ed head. Namely, any place ever that's not America. Oh right, I can hear you leftists now, moving the goal posts. "BUT THAT'S WESTERN CIVILIZATION!!!!" Kindly read the next several points...

Belgium? They're attacked because of "American militarism" and oppression? How about no? Belgium is most famous for what? Well certainly not an oppressive military. Or right-wing extremism. All that comes to my mind without a Google search is chocolate and cookies. But maybe that's just my cis-gendered white privilege hankering for a snack.

What about France? Sorry to say it, but France hasn't been a super military power in a long time. In fact it was the Americans who had to save their wine-swilling, cheese-eating butts from the Nazis in World War II. A point many Americans love to bring up any chance we get. Like this one. Shameless? Oui. The reason most people in France don't speak German? You guessed it. Speaking of Americans saving the French, read Terrorist Attacks on French Train. Americans Save the Day Again...

What about Canada's military oppression as a reason for Islamic attacks?

Canada's military might? I mean come on...

Despite the "Canadian military" being a great laughing matter, ISIS is calling for attacks on Canadians...

The latest issue of Dabiq, a magazine published by the Islamic State, is again calling for attacks on Canada.

“Your state is facing a new campaign by the crusaders ... we call you up to defend the Islamic State ... Rise and defend your state from your place wherever you may be.”

While ISIS encourages recruits to join them in Iraq and Syria, they also want Western supporters to conduct attacks in their home countries.

The statement continues: “Kill a kafir American or European — especially the spiteful and filthy French — or an Australian, or a Canadian.” Kafir is Arabic for non-believer or infidel.

What about Denmark? Sweden? Germany? How exactly have these countries oppressed Islam with their giant militiaries? Okay, Germany maybe a little bit. They kind of oppressed everyone back in the World War II days. Especially "the filthy French," until America saved them (see above). But Sweden has been host to all kinds of terrorism lately, as has Denmark and Germany. Those countries are anything but militaristic (now) or "right wing." In fact Sweden is straight up socialist.

Also, I'm all ears as to what "right wing" policy has forced these Muslims in these socialist countries to go all kill-happy on everyone.

4. Lastly, the Islamic countries. They're not bastions of human rights or Islamic bliss. Women are oppressed (Documentary: Innocent Afghan Woman Publicly Beaten to Death by Hundreds of Muslims...). Gays are killed (for being gay). Converts are killed (read Moderate Muslims in Their Own Words and Laws...). In Iraq, a teen boy was beheaded for listening to pop music. Hey, I don't like Justin Bieber either, but it's a bit extreme to lose your head over it. Muslims even carry on their tradition to new countries. Read Kurdish Woman Killed... For Refusing to Marry Cousin?!

Despite all this, leftists will continue to blame not Islam. They'll blame Christians of all faiths. They'll blame Republicans. They'll blame words spoken by pick your politician. They'll blame cartoon-drawing.

Sorry, violent Islam has NOTHING to do with big gulps, MTV or even Dick Cheney. Not even Justin Beiber. Or Beyonce. Violent Islam has everything to do with a serial murdering, pedophile rapist whose last words were calling for the deaths of Christians and Jews. Yes, Muhammad. The same Muhammad who founded Islam. That's just one too many coincidences to ignore.

No, not all Christians are perfect, peace-loving goody-two shoes. Jesus was. Not all Muslims are terrorists. Muhammad was. See the difference?

I would put a gif of Muhammad too, but that is apparently a giant no-no.

Europe has tried appeasement. Over and over. Terrorism and violence is what they get in exchange for the appeasement. You believe they're better off, or more safe than the United States? Because it sure looks like they're not. The blood, blown up buildings, dead bodies were a tip off. Playing nice with the Muslims, letting allllll those young, military aged men who claimed to be "refugees" into their countries hasn't really panned out so well. Turns out when people hate you for everything you are, when people follow an ideology which calls for the death of infidels, the hashtags don't work. The leaflets fall flat. The warm and fuzzy feelings? They get blown up.

So stop blaming "right wing" anything. Start blaming Islam. It is, after all, where the blame lies.

Written by Steven Crowder and Courtney Kirchoff