Defunding the police is a funny movement considering that as soon as anti-cop rioters got into a bind, the first call they make was to five-oh. I saw plenty of examples last week, be it car vs. rioter or rioter versus man with double-bladed sword.

People harming others is rather why we have the police. They actually serve a purpose beside arresting moms who take Skyler to the playground. I haven't done a lot of research on the subject, but I think the initial idea of the coppers was to stop bad guys from hurting people and doing bad things. If we're going to defund the police, in calls some are saying actually mean the abolishment of the police, then there seems to be one and only solution here: deregulate the Second Amendment.

For the record, I don't think we should abolish the police. But I'm not chanting the chants or spraying the paint calling for anarchy, allowing hoodlums like Antifa to scuttle about like the Wicked Witch's winged primates. That's not racist, by the way, Antifa is largely white mama's boys suffering from too many hugs and not enough spankings.

Let's run with this no cop idea for a second. Remember, we're not the ones who called for no police.

But let's say we did abolish the police. If we've learned anything in the past several months, it's the level of terrible far too many people can achieve as if there's a contest. I just don't see the same people who killed David Dorn for a television, or hit a woman with a two by four as she's trying to defend her business, or a mob of people trying to harm innocent drivers, just all of a sudden finding Jesus once the police have disbanded to nom on donuts.

For years the anti-Second Amendment crowd has said "Call the police" if one needs help. Well... if the police are brutal racists who can't be trusted and need to be abolished, that means I'm left to defend myself. It means you're left to defend yourself. Self-defense is an anthem we've preached forever, but with zero safety net rolling code, self-defense is the only defense.

Fine. I'll play. First we need to deregulate the Second Amendment.

Remember, I didn't pitch the idea to do way with the cops. I'm just carrying this idea to illustrate a point. Okay? Okay.

So, deregulate 2A. As in no laws that restrict the Second Amendment. The Second Amendment has no asterisks. It doesn't say anything about magazine capacities, the type of grip one is allowed on one's weapon, whether you can carry a gun concealed, open, or on your thigh like Lara Croft Tomb Raider. The Second Amendment says jack squat about using guns only for hunting, or if you can carry a gun into a government building, a Starbucks, or across state lines. The Second Amendment says zero about how quickly a trigger can or should be pulled, or the amount of rounds which come spraying forth from a barrel in times of woe, war, or personal defense.

Put simply, if we're doing away with cops, if there is no one I can call should shit get real, then I want to lay unholy hellfire on anyone who seeks to do me or mine harm.

Allow me to paint you a picture. It's the dead of night. Antifa hoodlums are storming my neighborhood. Cars are torched. Mailboxes battled and beaten. Stray hoses tripped over. Antifa goons with muddy hands and knees scramble off moist grass, cursing the green lawns and the privilege they convey. Hearing the commotion, I rise from my bedchambers and don a silken robe. I emerge from my bedroom in slow motion. My countenance is etched with determination. Carl Off's O Fortuna plays in the background (listen here, you've heard this one before). Each hand grips a machine gun. The bumbling, dressed in black Antifa masses reach my front porch, wet but wrathful. Death and destruction on their tiny minds. As soon as my door is blown off its hinges, I raise both weapons and pull the triggers. The darkened house is alight with muzzle flashes, the silence broken with gunfire.

All because police weren't around to patrol the neighborhood or respond to the first calls of Antifa (or pick your villains) hitting the streets. An idea first pitched by those same criminal elements and their allies.

Fair is fair, right? I have the right to defend myself. And if there's no law enforcement to enforce laws against criminals, I need to enforce the law so as not to become a victim. Riddle me this, bat boys: if there's no law enforcement, who, pray tell, is going to stop me from possessing machine guns? Plural. Because if it's me against enemies big and strong, or in Antifa's case, unloved and angry, you can bet your man-bunned head I'm going to possess as much firepower as my sinewy arms can handle, mother f*ckers.

If the wild west is what Antifa and the political wing of Black Lives Matter is calling for, then the wild west is exactly what they're going to get.

But I'm not the one calling for the abolishment of the police.