When news broke that Elon Musk bought Twitter and the memes started, we knew the blue checkmark meltdowns were soon to follow. Progressive Dinkus Twitter is awake. They've seen the news. They've cried. They've locked themselves in their safe spaces to collect their thoughts. They look outside and see the sky is actually falling (in their brains). Finally, they opened up the bird app to express how it's the end of the world as they know it. But, no, they don't feel fine.

The reactions can be broken into three categories.

The first is from people who claimed they were moving to Canada if Donald Trump won, even though they still never moved to Canada after George W. Bush won. The other two, that's the money muscle. These are my three favorites so far:

A New York Times bestselling author, with a book called the quote "Patriarchy Blues," says allowing Elon Musk to purchase Twitter would literally be a massive blow to democracy and social movements literally.

A douche from Salon believes things are even direr. Elon Musk being allowed to purchase Twitter is a threat to the free world. Not just America or the feelings of butt hurt progressives who might no longer be allowed to de-platform opinions with which they disagree but the entire free world!

Then you have Max Boot, which needs to be read verbatim: "I am frightened by the impact on society and politics if Elon Musk acquires Twitter. He seems to believe that on social media anything goes. For democracy to survive, we need more content moderation, not less."

For. Democracy. To. Survive.

Also for Democracy to survive, every day needs to be Taco Tuesday and the Buffalo Bills need to win the Super Bowl.

Dudes, it's not even noon yet. I may need to start drinking early.

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