I'll skip the part where I lead with a "concealed carry" joke since, at this point, I'm sure they've all been done. But, yeah. An ex-con was caught with a handgun shoved up his rump. LFG!

Christopher Boyd got pulled over at 2 AM in Indiana because his license plate was obscured. Cops caught him with pills he claimed he scored from his aunt to deal with the pain of having a bullet lodged in his spine.

During the patdown, Boyd claimed he couldn't spread his legs because of his spinal injury. No, that wasn't the real reason.

After being taken into custody, officials noticed he was “walking with a limp and appeared to be clenching his buttocks when he walked,” the police report said.

A body scan revealed a “large object” in his groin area, and a strip search revealed that Boyd had a Smith & Wesson Bodyguard stuffed in his rectum, the outlet said.

The Bodyguard is a .380-caliber gun that weighs less than a pound and is about 5 inches long, according to the manufacturer, which bills the $400 piece as “lightweight” and “easy to carry.”

Lol. Easy to carry.

The story from the New York Post didn't specify if the entire gun was concealed in the anus or just the barrel. If it were only the barrel, it would make more sense. If the entire gun was up there, including the trigger and the handle, I have a number of questions, none of which I'm sure I want answers to.

Also unclear at the present time is if the gun was loaded while it was up his ass. Boyd has been convicted of attempted murder, burglary, and domestic battery and was banned from carrying guns. My guess is when he made the decision to hide the gun up his rectum, it was a rash decision.

Cops also found two bags of pot “tucked next to his scrotum." If I were to picture an ex-con who would think sticking a gun up his keister and hiding weed under his ballsack would prevent him from getting arrested, this is the face of the man I would imagine.

But the suspect in this story looked more like this.

Boyd has been hit with felony drug, gun, and trafficking charges. That's on top of a lifetime of embarrassment because... dude, you shoved a gun up your ass.

And if I can give some friendly advice to anyone out there thinking of shoving objects up their ass, whether it be for pleasure or to evade live in prison, I've known quite a few X-ray techs over the years. If you go in with something stuck up your butt, they go home with copies of the x-ray to show their friends.

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Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.

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