We here at LwC are connoisseurs of faux-feminist activism (see Glamour, ‘Gotham’ and Phony ‘Transgender’ Feminism. Here’s Why You’re Hurting Women… and #SJW Feminists Try to Ruin Halloween. Let’s Laugh At Them…), but we think we hit the jackpot here. Seriously, it's worth a read. What about when your feminist boyfriend is so down with the cause, he refuses to work until the patriarchy closes the gender wage gap?

My feminist boyfriend is so committed to fighting the patriarchy that he hasn’t had a paying job in five years. Let me tell you: Dating a feminist guy with absolutely no income who has the respect for me to mooch off of me for everything is the ultimate partnership. Would it be fair for him to work the same amount of hours in a comparable job and make more money than me? Definitely not! Until the wage gap is closed in all fields, he will not be working. Which is…fine. And good! It is good.

Sure, he could update his LinkedIn, finish his associate’s degree or call his Uncle Jerry who said he could have a job at his firm whenever he’s ready, but he fights the temptation to become yet another male who would make more money than me. So brave!

A lot of people who aren’t as committed to fighting the patriarchy (like my parents) just don’t understand why my boyfriend can’t work while being an activist. Couldn’t he just volunteer at Planned Parenthood to support women? Sure, he could and he totally would (he said that once after we had sex) but he doesn’t want to take the glory away from women volunteering at Planned Parenthood. He’s so thoughtful!

Of course, we're 99.86% certain that the entire post was written with the author's tongue firmly planted in their cheek.

But let's be honest, if you read the headline "My Feminist Boyfriend Isn’t Working Until The Wage Gap Is Fixed," it totally sounds like an actual feminist rallying cry. This lazy kind of beta-male is also the only type of man a militant feminist would be able to snag, by the way. What with the feminists' affinity for weird fashion choices, the tendency to be massively obese, and their constant, nagging, man-hating ways. Great men date and marry great women. Great women are not usually SJW feminists who whine about the patriarchy then free-bleed during a marathon. At least none that I know.

You know what other article would sound totally true even if it was satire? An article about a bunch of guys who didn't want to marry their girlfriends (cows and free milk and what have you), claimed that they really weren't getting married because gays couldn't get married. #Equality. As though their lack of commitment somehow corrected the perceived injustice of gays not being able to share the deed to a house. When really, those guys were just getting free ice cream from the ice cream truck.

Nope, not saying feminists are ice cream trucks. That's not a fat shaming joke. See, ice cream trucks actually serve a purpose. Plus when they come twinkling down the street, people run to them. Men encountering feminists do the opposite of that.

This is why you can't have nice things. This is why I crash your Film Festivals. Watch that below.