The internet witnessed a murder today. Technically, the murder took place at a Milwaukee Brewers game. But Twitter didn't help matters. Our dearly departed's name is Mark. No one is quite sure who Mark is. What we do know is that Mark got friend-zoned to death for everyone to see, point at, and laugh.

You know how when you go to a ball game, you can send messages to your loved ones? "Happy Retirement," "I love you," "The test came back negative," and so on. Some--I'll be old-fashioned and assume it's a woman--used the opportunity to broadcast, "Mark - Your friendship means the world to me - let's not wreck it."

For those who don't know a) you're lying, and b) the friend zone is when a guy chases after a girl, may or may not get led on (usually is led on), and eventually gets told she only likes him as a friend. It rarely happens the other way because if a girl likes a guy, he'll usually at least just enjoy the texts of chesticle pictures. But being in the friend zone is brutal when you are in school. Or so I heard.

An eyewitness to the murder describes the scene as tough. There was a collective gasp from the audience. Then laughter, except for one man who was crying. It is unclear if that dude was Mark, or if Mark was in attendance. I can't decide what would be worse: being in attendance, or not being at the game and finding out on Twitter, or walking the hallway while everyone was snickering at me more than usual.

The question on all our minds now is who the bigger bitch is. Unrequited love is no excuse for a public execution like this. The girl could have sent him a text message or slipped a note into his locker. She could have gotten a friend to do it. Going right to the jumbotron to broadcast to the world you think Mark is a chud but you like the attention he gives you is cruel and unusual.

The flip side to that is that Mark refuses to get the hint after multiple attempts. Public embarrassment was the final straw.

Sound off in the comment section of whatever social app brought you here. Are you team Mark or team Executioner?

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