Some virtue signaling dingus is going to tell you off for laughing at this story. Tell that pompous gasbag to set himself aflame, like this scorned lover who caught his partner of five years with one who identifies as a lady, and might possess some tantalizing ta-tas. Then set himself on fire.

From the very gay website Gay Star News:

A gay 40-year-old in Namibia set himself alight during a row after finding his boyfriend with a woman.

Kasera (name changed) is a gay man but his partner of five years Dandu (name changed), aged 32, does not identify as gay.

Pause. Rewind. Play. If you're a dude with another dude for five years, and you don't identify as "gay" then what do you identify as? Someone who loves tacos but wants to enjoy an occasional sausage party because both are nutritious and delicious?

Also, trigger warning: the gay euphemisms are both immature and aplenty. Brace thyselves for unapologetic snickering of the kindergarten variety. Or leave this post to read an article in the Wall Street Journal, which might educate you in some fashion but will not leave you as satisfied as the mockery of a f*g on fire. Also gay related: Feminist Academic Says Modern Feminism is Turning Men Gay!?

'As the days passed, he still did not contact me nor had he returned home.

'So I decided to go over to his mom’s place to see if everything is ok as I could also not reach him on his phone.’

Kasera is the gay guy who transformed into a human bonfire of sparkling gay love. His dudely mistress is Dandu, who wanted to play a game of pussy parade instead of twerking tallywhackers. For those of you who may be confused here, Kasera is the clingy crazy girl who can't get a clue, and rather than pick up his nearest copy of "He's Just Not that Into You (but into a vagina-packing she-devil)" he hammered on his boyfriend's mom's house...

Dandu’s family has been against their relationship.

When Kasera arrived at Dandu’s mother’s home, he asked if his partner was there.

But Dandu’s mother told him: ‘He wants nothing to do with you. He is with his girlfriend in his room.

‘I had told you for years to leave my child alone as you taught him this moffie things.’

Moffie is a South African word for ‘effeminate’ or a gay man.

And also my new favorite word.

In response, Kasera says he barged past her to get to the bedroom and see for himself.

He discovered Dandu was with a woman. Dandu jumped up and shouted to Kasera to leave.

Kasera says: ‘In that moment I rushed out and went to the closest filling station and bought petrol and matches.

But not to cookout Kasera and the enchantress who danced her way into Dandu's moffie heart via bouncing bosoms and unapologetic camel-toe. No, no, it was time to flambe his flamboyant self. Related: Anti-Trump Protester Tries Setting HIMSELF on Fire. Disproves Theory of Evolution.

‘I rushed back to Dandu’s room and we had a quarrel. I asked him why he was cheating on me? He stood there and looked at me arrogantly.

‘That’s where I decided to pour the petrol on me and lit the match and here I am. That’s how I ended up in hospital.’

Well one does. Don't you, after being rejected, go to the nearest Shell station to buy the appropriate materials for self-combustion? If you don't, you're an intolerant, cis-privileged moffie-hater who needs a serious gay-relationship redux that only Kasera can teach you. BYO matches and gas can.

When asked for comment, Kasera's now hetero former partner, Dandu, said he believed the relationship could have been salvaged, "if Kasera weren't such a flaming faggot."

Just kidding, but I wish I wasn't.

Here's hoping Kasera finds a new love which sparks his interest.

Last one, I promise.

Now for some more gay vs. straight love.

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