Let's rule out the first thing y'all are wondering. As of this writing, we have no information on if the mystery pooper had information that would lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton. But someone did drop a deuce in the aisle right where Hillary was sitting with daughter Chelsea, and we have questions.

Here is what we know, per Page Six. Hillary and Chelsea were in the city for a performance of "Some Like It Hot." A person of interest referred to as a "serial pooper" left a dookie in the aisle right where Hillary was sitting.

“Last week when Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were in the audience, the lights came up for intermission and there were two human turds in the aisle just near the famous political duo.”

One source refers to it as a one-off and regrettable incident. Another source swears it happened before, adding, “there is someone who is either sh*tting in the aisle, or surreptitiously dumping defecation that they smuggled into the theater.”

Neither Clinton could be reached for comment. Had either been hit with the smuggled stink nugget or stepped in it, the sh*t would have really hit the fan.

What is unclear is if this was a one-time accidental poop, if there is a serial pooper on the loose, or if the dropped deuce was a mostly peaceful act of civil disobedience. Hillary Clinton is a shitty person. The mystery pooper could have been exercising their first amendment right to free speech and expressing disapproval of Hillary politically. Exercising their right to free speech, with their butt.

We may never know where the poop came from. We can only assume that once identified, the serial pooper will meet an untimely suicide.

Editor's Note:

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