If you have a functioning brain and a set of eyes, you know that Hillary Clinton has issues with things like, oh, I don't know, honesty... or morals. Plus, she's a bit of a rape apologist. What we're getting at here is that she struggles with simply not being a vile wench in general.

But if you saw her introductory video from the DNC, you'd think she were the holiest of holies. As magical as a glittery puff of flatulence released from the posterior of a unicorn. And I get it. It's her convention, she has to make herself look good somehow. Clearly the hair plugs aren't working... So her next move? A Morgan Freeman narrated biopic. Think 'March of the Penguins,' but riddled with selective editing. It follows the tale of a frigid creature who waddles its way to and fro, unhindered by the laws of man.

A group called Secure America Now saw the DNC video and noticed a few inaccuracies. So they re-edited the video and added a few details that the original left out. Here's the new version, complete with facts and everything...

The spoof — called “The Video the DNC Wouldn’t Let Play at the Convention” — hits Clinton on her involvement with the Whitewater controversy and her contentious use of a private server during her tenure as secretary of state.

With a Morgan Freeman impersonator narrating... this video harps on scandals.

"Secure America Now is going to use [the video spoof] from now until the election because it's the truth. It's her stories and her failures," said Josh Canter, director of the marketing agency of which Secure America Now is a client.

It's amazing what a difference a few selective edits can make (see RED-HANDED: Katie Couric Caught Editing Video to Push Anti-Gun Lies). Still, even Hillary's PR department cronies can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Particularly when that sow's ear contradicts everything that America stands for. And has a turkey neck worthy of a Guinness World Record.

While we're talking about reasons not to vote for Hillary Clinton...

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