Trigger-warning: dropping opinions on the beta male which many, especially men who tilt beta but don't know it, will find offensive. For those who sport skinny jeans, drink only single origin coffee, think brewing their own beer is The Next Great Thing, and lament ladies choosing men who have shoulders broader than their own: reading discretion is advised.

The Hollywood Reporter, both an in print and online magazine, took some deserved flack for this issue's headline:

"Triumph of the Beta Male."

The headline doesn't seem to reflect the content of the article. I skimmed the article looking for praise of limp-wristed fellows with more whine than roar. Didn't find it in the article itself. Gentle praise for small-boned lads could only be easily found in image subtitles. The headline here is, like many headlines across the internet, click bait. Or in the printed world: buy this magazine bait.

Since Hollywood Reporter didn't write about the "triumph of the beta male" in their article, just the headline on the magazine cover, it tells me many a beta male is hoping to triumph in modern society. If beta male triumph is enough for a clickbait article, how can I conclude anything else? Well, other than all the romance movies of the poor boy lusting after the pretty rich girl who's betrothed to an alpha male? Stories usually written by men.

From my limited observations, the beta male is men's answer to shrill feminists. Except I suspect there are far more beta males than there are shrill feminists. Cackling as they are, feminists seem a larger group due to their proclivity to shriek. Making their numbers seem larger than their typical heft. This is just conjecture.

Beta males, by contrast, seem to spend most of their time whining on the internet, not marching topless in the street, superfluous little man bewbs hardening in the morning dew. At least until the rise of Antifa. Hey, what happened to those noodle boys? Remember Antifa?

Like screechy feminists, beta males want to be loved and accepted for exactly who they are. At least as it's relating to this particular issue, "triumph of the beta male."

To be clear, I do not think "beta male" should be applied to people who work in tech simply because they work in tech. A certain career choice does not a beta male make.

Beta males are emerging into pop culture, vying for societal acceptance, trying to break into the mainstream. That is, in my opinion, what The Hollywood Reporter is attempting: creating a cultural acceptance of weakly man-boys. Following in the stomping, hippo steps of rabid feminists.

Just as feminist land-dwelling butterwhales demanded men "fuck their beauty standards" so are beta males raising a trial balloon of "fuck your masculine standards." Shaking their white, spindly fingers at more traditional men who're too busy batting away all the ladies.

The arguments, I'm afraid, will be the same. Fat, ugly feminists are denied access to "traditional beauty standard" clubs based on their trollish features. An insatiable appetite for small children. Whether we like it or not, women are often judged on their appearance. Hence feminists who more closely resemble garden gnomes, wish to smash the patriarchy.

There's a flip side the beta male rebellion will seek to squash: the traditional standards of masculinity. A man who is assertive, decisive, strong -- be that strength of character or strength of body -- driven to achieve and conquer his domain. A traditionally masculine man is physically strong, perfectly capable of defending himself and his family.

Beta males are typically none of the above. They're smaller, weaker, wimpier. They often believe problem-solving includes whining about unfairness. Whining about their jobs. Whining about women. Some will blame women for all their failings, much like feminists blame men for all of theirs. They excuse their lack of will, strength, and inability to attract women on being "just nice guys." Which is slang for "spineless."

Yes, yes, I'm speaking to those guys who say "Women like jerks, I'm just a nice guy, and women don't like nice guys, boo hoo."

Women don't like pussies. There's a difference.

We shout down ugly feminists who demand we broaden the beauty standards as we broaden their doors. We explain evolutionary biology. We explain the rules of attraction. Screaming like banshees do not make "strong women." Blaming the patriarchy for rape culture or their lifetime of failures is no reason to march the streets with boobs flapping.

It seems, with the new launch of this buy-bait magazine from The Hollywood Reporter, the beta males are signalling it's time for the feminists to hold their Zima. If the last decade was about rampaging feminist beasts, let the future belong to wishful manbabies saving their pennies for sex dolls.

Perhaps the feminists were wrong. The future isn't female. The future is just a skinny man in a romper.

~Written by Courtney Kirchoff