That "clump of cells" might not be a person, but in India a giant cluster of ice is. Welcome to liberal logic. We've seen advocates for pedophile rights and vegan road rage. Even a tranny dragon. Indians of the dot kind, not the feather, must have looked upon the left-wing insanity here in the west and said "Cute. Hold my Masala Chai."

India has decided to officially declare glaciers as people. Yes, really...

An Indian court declared Himalayan glaciers “legal persons” under law in a bid to save them from global warming.

The court’s two judges claimed Indian law must gives glaciers “living entity” status to keep them from melting.

“The rights of these entities shall be equivalent to the rights of human beings and any injury or harm caused to these bodies shall be treated as injury or harm caused to human beings,” the highest court in Indian state of Uttarakhand ruled. “In other words, the entity acts like a natural person, but only through a designated person.”

Academics and environmentalists regularly humanize glaciers, with one study claiming they are intertwined with gender relations, masculine culture, geopolitics, institutional power and racism because glacier-related academia and government jobs are held predominantly by men. The study found damages from melting glaciers target women and ethnic minorities, who “are more vulnerable to glacier changes and hazards than are men.”

Giant hunks of non-sentient frozen water count as people now. This is real life.

You have no idea how badly I wanted to put in a Gif from a certain Disney animated movie featuring snow creatures brought to life by a magical princess. I stopped myself, knowing I might be stabbed in the night with an icicle. #IveBeenImpaled

Since the ice blocks are people, I'm guessing any damage done to them is the same as if it was done to a person. On the flip-side, if I slip and die on one, would the glacier be handcuffed and charged with manslaughter? If we're following the logic of the court, the answer to that question would be a great big "yes." I highly doubt the courts would follow through on those charges. That would be crazy. Just as crazy as if I was imprisoned for sexual assault if I licked a glacier without its consent. But if I get it on video, maybe Netflix will give me a special.

Exactly how this law would have any effect on climate change is beyond me. We asked the glaciers for comment, but received a chilled response. These are the jokes.

As far as I know, glaciers don't have ice doctors to treat the glacier people. Based on today's cray cray, it wouldn't be the least bit surprising if practices started popping up.

Just me, or are you craving a snow cone? India might rule it an assault.

I wish I could say this whole thing is some sort of joke. Nope. In fact if this joke had been written, it would've been melted in a pitch meeting with a portable hairdryer. #FirstDegreeMurder

These "environmentally conscious" leftists are a cult. Like Scientology. Except instead of purging themselves of thetans and binge-watching Mission Impossible movies, they pray to juniper bushes while wearing clothes made of hemp. They even want to impose green Sharia law. This isn't some kind of symbolic gesture. In their warped little minds, glaciers really are people.

Oh yeah, their cult is also built on lies...

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