Yesterday, Democrats held a press conference outside the Capitol on why the meanie Republicans want to ban TikTok. And of course it's because of racism. What else.

This whole argument began because Biden signed legislation that bans government agencies from using TikTok on their federal devices. Y'know, to prevent the Chines Communist Party from spying on us. No biggie. But Rep. Jamaal Bowman apparently doesn't mind a little spying, since he asked Congress and the public to “not be racist towards China and express our xenophobia when it comes to TikTok.”

"As we know, Republicans in particular, have been sounding the alarm, creating the red scare around China."

Yeeeaaah, I don't think this has anything to do with Americans not liking Chinese people. It's definitely the extreme lack of security of the app. TikTok's parent company literally wanted to use the app to monitor the location of specific American citizens. And it can apparently track you even if you've never used the app before.

According to the cybersecurity company Feroot, TikTok has trackers in it called pixels that can show up on any website that has a TikTok video embedded in it. These pixels can track usernames, passwords, credit cards, banking information, and details about personal health. So I sincerely apologize for the TikToks I have embedded on this website. I just wanted to share the laughs with y'all, but the CCP has other plans.

But don't fret - Bowman also said TikTok is no less secure than Facebook and Twitter. So either he's lying, or we have a bigger problem with Big Tech. And his real zinger of an argument came when he claimed Republicans just want to ban the Chinese Communist app because they, and I quote, "don't have swag".

Oh, of course! It's not the rampant national security concerns from one of America's biggest geopolitical foes. Mitch McConnell is just jealous of TikTok's plethora of swaggy dancing 13-year-olds. Nailed it.