I'm not one for hyperbole, but 15-time national hot dog eating champion Joey Chestnut is America's greatest athlete. I've had the privilege of watching Michael Jordan and Mike Tyson in their prime, and neither come close. Chestnut's legend grew yesterday where, with a broken leg, he was able to choke out an animal rights activist and STILL munch his way to his 15th competitive eating title.

The dinkus in the Darth Vader mask was holding a sign saying, "Expose Smithfield Death Star." He was with two other idiots in Stormtrooper masks. Smithfield Farms is the "largest pig farm in the nation" and supplied hot dogs to Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest.

Darth Vader was protesting the treatment of pigs on the farm, comparing it to the Death Star from the Star Wars Trilogy. The difference is that the Death Star destroys innocent planets. Smithfield Farms turns animals into delicious food for Americans to enjoy. Plus, let's be honest, you were surprised to read that actual meat is involved in the making of a hot dog.

All three cosplayers were arrested. They came at the king. And they missed.

Joey Chestnut can't be stopped. It's like he viewed everything in slow motion. He shoved a hot dog in his mouth, saw the protester, put him in the Redrum choke, let go as soon as security got there, and ate the next hotdog in one Matrix-like motion.

Forget athletes. Imagine what a better place our country would be in if our "leaders" took their jobs as seriously as Joey Chestnut. It's a pleasure watching him compete. Even more of a pleasure watching animal rights wackjobs get choked out. Seriously, f*ck those guys.

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