I'm setting the over/under for John Travolta saying he's going to live his life as a gay man at 12:00 EST. The rumors have always been there, unlike the dark coif. Which resembles stiff roadkill. Is that a toupee or did you drive hit the neighbor's cat? Driving drunk with a guy's hand on your cock, John?

Now the male masseuse is accusing him of sexual battery, Travolta's going to try and pull a Spacey.

I know, that's like so weird (he says in the worst Travolta impersonation you've ever heard).

John Travolta has been named in a criminal complaint by a 21-year-old masseur who accused the Pulp Fiction star of sexual battery.

RadarOnline.com has exclusively obtained the explosive police report that charges the devout Scientologist, 63, of harassing a male spa employee during a late-night rub-down.

The Saturday Night Fever actor allegedly groped the man’s bare buttocks, indecently exposed himself and made lewd remarks about gay fantasies.

The supposed victim’s shocking description of the incident threatens to blow the lid off Travolta’s long-rumored double life as a happily married family man.

It took place at the LaQuinta Hotel in Palm Springs, Calif., when Travolta demanded a deep body massage at the facility’s spa, which had been opened after midnight for the actor’s private use on Feb. 15, 2000.

We made out, under the docks...

He reached out, grabbing my c*ck...

I feel a little bad. Not for the "Summer Lovin'" reference, but because I don't want us joking, making light of the crimes committed. I'm assuming the victim has a strong support base of friends and family. Probably a lawyer or five.

Also, who else remembers stuff about Travolta coming out years ago, but being quickly silenced? Me too. It's almost like right now the Hollywood perverts, who've always been able to escape before, no longer can. The chickens are coming home to roost. They're feasting on roaming peckers.

How can you not laugh at Hollywood? It's a bastion of moral relativists who lecture us on morality, but they're all raping each other. Who's left to be accused (see George Takei Tries to Blame Sexual Assault Allegations on Russia. Yes, Really... and 19 Accuse "Arrow," "Flash" Producer Andrew Kreisberg of Sexual Harassment)? Maybe we should compile a list of actors who haven't harassed others? It would be rather a short one. Probably like Travolta's dingle dangle.

Second look at "rape culture?"

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