The two stories enthralling the American people are Elon Musk buying Twitter and Johnny Depp's defamation lawsuit against Amber Heard. Sure, there is still a war going on somewhere, and Joe Biden keeps saying dumb sh*t. But if it doesn't involve the names "Elon," "Depp," or "Amber Heard," or reference Amber Heard pooping in the bed, no one cares. It would only make sense that these universes would collide! We have Elon Musk involved in the trial! Well, kinda.

During testimony on Wednesday, Johnny Depp said he believed Musk was seeing Amber Turd while they were still married. According to court documents reviewed by Fox News, the claim is Heard started dating Musk one month after she and Depp were married. Elon was given access to their building parking garage, had a special elevator to access the penthouse, and would access the penthouse on many a late night while Depp was in faraway lands making movies. This would be BEFORE Amber Heard destroyed Depp's career. Allegedly.

Musk first started hanging out in the penthouse after Amber Heard threw a bottle at Johnny Depp. The infamous severed finger incident.

As if this story is not insane enough, Lady Gaga's ex-fiance Christian Carino testified. Heard texted Carino that she regretted breaking up with Musk. Carino responded, "Why would you be sad about the breakup if you weren’t in love with him?" I can think of 264,400,000,000 reasons.

Sadly, Elon Musk's attorneys say he will NOT be testifying. Musk has been busy lately, ruining the lives of Twitter employees and other left-wing loons. Our dude is swamped!

The defamation trial continues. The decimation of Twitter as we know it continues. But the two will not be crossing paths. The deity or deities of content have been delivering unto us big time. But even they have their limits.

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