Kevin McCarthy has ascended to Speaker of the House, the role he and his supporters believed was entitled to him. It took fifteen tries. The first thirteen tries were a debate where conservatives received much need concessions for the American people (shout to them). The fourteenth was just to be a dick. The fifteenth did the trick.

A deal was cut before the fourteenth around, but Matt Gaetz voted against it anyway just because...f*ck you, Kevin. McCarthy had enough. He ran a beeline straight to the dastardly Gaetz to give him what for! No one could hear what they were saying. Thankfully, lip reading experts Bad Lip Reading once again came in clutch.

Something about cereal and pickles.

McCarthy was a like "you're a formulated pickle pauper" and "I could flick you in your face."

Gaetz was all like "absolutely, you may not do that." Also, he was hungry for a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

And I don't know who Brad is. But it appears he's a horrible person. And he brought a tiger.

It feels good to laugh. Especially at the end of our latest national nightmare, where our elected officials were forced to be in the same room together and vote on things. Now that we have a Speaker of the House, our representatives can get right to work!

As soon as they get back from having four days off. They're all very tired.

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