Steady your nerdrections. Calm your... whatever the girl version of a nerdrection is. I don't know, nerdogenous zones? Star Wars: The Last Jedi hits theaters today. In a few spoiler free words? It was mostly amazing, and a little "meh."

The "meh" in that the movie was similar to Episode 3 (Revenge of the Sith). The first half was boring, lots of talking, not a lot of plot development. Eventually the film progressed to the intergalactic civil war. That's when it finally felt like Star Wars.

I'll be honest, some of the first half seemed as if Leia threw Episodes 4 (A New Hope), 5 (Empire Strikes Back), and 6 (Return of the Jedi) in a food processor. With a sprinkle of Episode 1 (Phantom Menace). It was an imitation of a better movie that came before it. But with snark. I guess that's what Disney thinks of Millennials. Because the film wouldn't be on trend without sarcasm for sarcasm's sake. Heads up, I thought there were some social justice-ish parts to the movie. Not in a "rage in the comment section about it" way, more I sometimes wanted to roll my eyes. To be fair, I'm not sure how much of the social justice themes I would have picked up on had it not been for leftists whining all over the galaxy about it. You know what I mean, the incessant push for all movies to be politicized at all times.

Example: liberal bloggers whose lives will "literally" be over if Poe and Finn's relationship doesn't go the way they want. Or wondering if the word RESIST is just a word, or a Trump attack. If not for SJW Twitter, I may have just chalked this aspect of the movie up to lazy writing. But that was only half of the movie. Less than half. Plus Laura Dern's character turned out to be pretty bad ass. You'll know when you'll know.

The rest of the film was everything I wanted. We'll get in to more specific spoilers later in the day (Courtney's fuller spoiler-filled review is incoming). I will say I thought the jedi scenes were really interesting. Can't say more because spoilers.

The reunions were moving for oldheads like me, whose first movie was A New HopeStar Wars. Don't whine about that being a spoiler. Everyone knew there were going to be characters reuniting. Don't be that guy. Everyone hates that guy.

And there were a lot of surprises and twists. Like, a lot. Usually movies will just have one big one. Possibly two. Off the top of my head right now, I can think of five.

The Last Jedi was like a juicy double cheeseburger with bacon, where they give you the side salad anyway even though you specifically asked them not to. The salad's the snarky and the social justicey parts. You don't want it, but it doesn't take away how delicious the burger is. The double patty is the [solve for x] number of major one-on-one battles. The cheese is the nostalgia. And the two pieces of bacon are of course light sabers.

Dammit. I'm hungry now. But how else was I to serve you up a review with your insistence on NO SPOILERS?

3 out 5 mug club mugs of coffee as a stand alone movie. 4.5 out of five if you're a Star Wars obsessed mecha-nerd. It was easily the best movie since Empire Strikes Back. Which granted isn't saying much, because outside of Return of the Jedi, Rouge One, and the Obi Wan vs Anakin fight, there has been a lot of suck since the 80s.

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