If England is good for one thing, it's the constant reminders why we broke up with them two hundred years ago. And we are never, ever, ever getting back together. On free speech alone, Brits prove a First Amendment is better than not having a First Amendment. In the U.K., "knife control" went from a sarcastic defense of the Second Amendment to why we defend it against the slightest challenges.

Then you have the corona lockdowns. Not that some of our leaders haven't stretched constitutional rights as far as we the people let them. But at least things have yet to get this bad. Emphasis on "yet." England will fine you for leaving your house. It starts at $271 (none of you cared about British pounds). For every offense, it keeps doubling until it's over $8,000.

New rules state that it's against the law to gather socially with friends and family unless they are in one's "household or support bubble." Regulations also stipulate that people can take an occasion once daily to exercise outdoors near where they live.

Though several exceptions exist regarding travel restriction and mask-wearing, officers "will not be reasoning with offenders but will impose fines straightaway" unless they have a reasonable excuse.

Here's my reasonable excuse.

My reasonable excuse for leaving my house is that I was bored of being stuck in my house. When I need to walk, I can only walk around the basement so many times before it gets redundant. Sometimes I like to walk to the train station and back just because I can. Because, muh freedom.

Also, "support bubbles?" Do Brits have to register their MySpace Top 8 with the government? I'm afraid to sarcastically imply they'll arrest you for visiting a ninth person. I doomed someone in Notting Hill. Who's probably being dragged out of a flat by the local constables as we speak. The neighbor snitched when they caught Nigel sneaking over for a shag with #9. Unless the Top 8 is more of an honour system thing. The government says X and the citizens blindly comply. Say what you will about 'Mericans giving up too much freedom during these ten months (after fifteen days to flatten the curve). We're not THAT bad. Again, yet.

Thankfully, England is just our psycho ex-girlfriend. The one we look back on shocked we even got with them in the first place. But remember, that psycho ex should always be viewed as a cautionary tale. I've sarcastically used the word "yet" a few times. Let's not pretend there isn't a governor or two in this country scheming how they can get away with these restrictions.

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