If you haven't seen Dunkirk yet, drop what you're doing right now and find the nearest theater. It's that good. Practical effects. Panic attack-inducing sound. Terrific performances. Oh yeah, and it also really happened.

Please note the byline here. Corey Stallings reporting for duty. My views do not represent the views of Steven Crowder, NotGayJared, Hopper, or random squirrels crossing the street hoping to get hit by cars which my or may not be driven by Caitlyn Jenner. We good?

The movie released to critical acclaim, and it earned every bit of its praise. But, not everyone was crazy about the movie. Take the writers over at Marie Claire for example.

That movie was f---ing bomb."

That was one reaction I overheard after watching Dunkirk, Christopher Nolan's new directorial gift to men, who are currently spending their time fervently ranking his movies, arguing about said rankings, and—presumably—wearing fedoras completely un-ironically. Or even worse, ironically.

It's a story worthy of being told and re-told, and I really enjoy war movies in general, but still—actual stuff needs to happen. Stuff other than scenes of men burning in oil-covered water, ships sinking, and bodies drowning.

Does this dunce even know what war is? Being this is a true story, you'll have to forgive the people involved for putting their survival above taking the time for love triangles and explorations of gender identity.

But my main issue with Dunkirk is that it's so clearly designed for men to man-out over. And look, it's not like I need every movie to have "strong female leads." Wonder Woman can probably tide me over for at least a year, and I understand that this war was dominated by brave male soldiers. I get that. But the packaging of the film, the general vibe, and the tenor of the people applauding it just screams "men-only"—and specifically seems to cater to a certain type of very pretentious man who would love nothing more than to explain to me why I'm wrong about not liking it.

...

Look, if the peeps at Marie Claire didn't care for the movie, that's a-okay. People are allowed to have opinions, even sucky ones. But, accusing the filmmakers of crafting a bro-tastic bro-fest goes beyond opinion, and into the realm of mental retardation. The movie isn't a bunch of manly men, high-fiving and doing pulls off a beer bong. It's two hours of terrified kids doing anything they can to survive.

I can't completely blame leftists for disliking the movie, though. Dunkirk isn't a leftist's film by any stretch. The cast is overwhelmingly white and male. There's not one non-binary genderqueer or gay romance subplot. Just a whole lot of explosions and bullets tearing through the air. None of those things are because of cis-hetero white male patriarchy, but because that's how it really went down.

This further proves political correctness has crippled Hollywood. You can no longer make a movie that paints men as anything other than misogynist, transphobic buffoons without suffering the wrath of the left. A movie that portrays men as strong and heroic is sure to trigger many a leftist.

Speaking of that.

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