Somewhere on Earth 2, Facebook CEOs the Winklevoss Twins left us with a chronological timeline, unfiltered Newsfeed, and a way to block obnoxious over-sharers, mommy bloggers, and that one jock from high school who refuses to grow up. On Earth2, people cannot change their avatars after a tragedy to virtue signal, there's a dislike button, and anyone selling something listing only to "PM them for details" is banned from the platform. In short, people of Earth2 don't despise Facebook.

On this planet, everyone hates Facebook for a myriad of reasons. It's all Mark Zuckerberg's fault (see Tucker Carlson explains Facebook is now the “Thought Police” and Watch: The Kids from South Park Beat Up Mark Zuckerberg). Instead of leading like the Wnklevoss Twins on Earth2, Zukerberg is hiding behind his border walls.

The UK Parliment would like a few words with him. Rather than manning up to answer for his company, he's sending proxies.

Mark Zuckerberg has refused the UK parliament’s request to be questioned by MPs over data abuse.

The Facebook boss will send one of his senior deputies instead, the company said. Damian Collins, who leads the digital, culture, media and sport select committee, had written to Mr Zuckerberg directly requesting that he appear.

Mr Collins’s letter made the request in the strongest possible terms, and suggested that Mr Zuckerberg himself should appear. He gave until Monday evening to reply to the request.

Mr Zuckerberg has been repeatedly criticised for his failure to speak publicly about the allegations of data abuse made in the wake of the Cambridge Analytica scandal.

I'm of two minds on the privacy issues. And you may not like them. On one hand, if you're upset about your privacy but ever took one of those stupid quizzes or used a face swapping app, just shut your facehole. No one stole your personal information. You left it out on the kitchen counter when you pressed the "ok" button. Be upset at yourself for not being the one who found a way to collect it all and get paid.

On the other hand...

It's hard to feel sorry for a company that fact-checks parody sites. And who has been screwing with any publisher, individual, or gender-non-conforming whatever who disagrees with the liberal ideology. This website specifically, which was targeted by Facebook. "Allegedly." Also, hard to show sympathy for Facebook when the face of its company looks like an uncircumcised male private area. You won't be able to unsee the resemblance now. I'm not sorry.

So stay in hiding, Zuck. We'll keep cracking jokes at your expense. On Facebook.

NOT SUBSCRIBED TO THE PODCAST? FIX THAT! IT’S COMPLETELY FREE ON BOTH ITUNES HERE AND SOUNDCLOUD HERE.