UPDATE: After the initial statement, Hasbro clarified that Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head still exists. They're just changing the box to only say "Potato Head." For, I guess reasons.

My biggest regret is that Don Rickles isn't alive to react to this. Toy company Hasbro has announced that it is making Mr. Potato Head gender-neutral. They are dropping the word "Mr." from his its name and just calling him it "Potato Head." For reasons known only to people whom I'm assuming are really bored Hasbro executives. No word yet on what this means for Mrs. Potato Head, or if she's happy with her spudly spouse's transition. This is the extent of the Associated Press article.

Hasbro, the company that makes the potato-shaped plastic toy, is giving the spud a gender neutral new name: Potato Head. The change will appear on boxes this year. Hasbro said Mr. Potato Head, which has been around for about 70 years, needed a modern makeover.

I'm convinced now more than ever there is a giant lotto ball machine in some leftist nonprofit somewhere. Each ball has a different fictional character on it. On the fourth Thursday of every month, a ball is chosen and teams have to figure out how best to f*** with the character. Bonus points for the speed they're able to bully corporate executives into releasing a statement. The winning team gets free lunch at the culturally appropriate restaurant of their choice.

The dumbest thing in all this? You would think Mr. Potato Head was already the wokest toy imaginable. It's a "Mister" you can turn into a "Mrs." and back again, just for fun. Give him a top hat and a mustache, it's a Mr. Potato Head or a gender studies major. Give it a purse and some eyelashes, he becomes a she. Remove all gender-affirming accessories and it's a live-action Brian Stelter doll. Hasbro could have been trailblazing. Instead, it took the lazy way out.

Shame, Hasbro. Shame!

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