Christmas came early for content this season. A cornfed unit of a man, one with the second most glorious mullet we've seen go viral this year, was being chased through a Nashville mall by police. Until the cop put him down with a taser.

Unfortunately, in the heat of pursuit, the officer did not consider the girthiness of the target when the taser was deployed. It was only enough voltage to drop him momentarily. The dude was able to get back up.

As with many pieces of content, there was context missing. What could have possibly caused such a mountain of man to run like he just heard the freezers broke at Baskin Robbins, and they needed someone to start eating? Turns out the story involves a Bass Pro Shop, and bathroom, and Tons of Fun confusing a Bass Pro Shop for a bathroom.

WSMV here in Nashville reports that the man, John Huff, was reportedly cited for…wait for it…urinating on things at the Bass Pro Shop.

There’s reportedly video that shows him getting caught in the act before the off-duty officer working as a security guard began to pursue him, though that video hasn’t been released yet. (Trust me, we’ll bring it to you when it is).

Please join me in praying to the deity or deities of content they deliver onto us this peeing video, because I have questions. And unlike the ex-con who tried to hide a gun up his ass, I don't think I'm afraid of the answers.

In anticipation of the pee tape being made public, let's guess what the backstory is. Here are your options:

1. The unit polished off a gallon of Diet Coke and didn't make it out of the store in time.

2. TikTok "prank" gone wrong.

3. Cabellas paid him to sabotage Bass before Black Friday.

4. The unit was a former employee who had just gotten fired because of how much he pissed off his coworkers, so he gave them something to be pissed off about.

5. The unit just moved to Nashville from San Francisco and was not familiar with local customs. Where he came from, relieving yourself in public was a sign of respect.

Let me know in the comments of whatever social media app brought you here.

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Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.

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