There you are, in a Zoom meeting with your fellow peers in the professional world, and all of a sudden out comes a weenie. Some people have a case of the Mondays, others a case of the " must touch the precious." We can't know the head space of one Jeffrey Toobin who shall henceforth be known by the trend on Twitter: Zoom Dick. But we can know what happened after the dickcident. If you're not familiar with Jeffrey Toobin or his smaller companion Toobin Or NobToobin, fret not. I'll get you caught up along with some peppering of pecker jokes, puns, and allusions to the oft-cited expression of the great Michael Scott. Twitter had some fun today, why can't the rest of us?

Seems Jeff whipped out little Jeff for a little self-love during a call. So begins the Tallywhacker Tale.

Both people, who spoke on the condition of anonymity in order to speak freely, noted that it was unclear how much each individual person on the call saw, but both of the people we spoke to said that they saw Toobin jerking off.

Though the best part has to be how Toobin excuses the behavior:

"I made an embarrassingly stupid mistake, believing I was off-camera. I apologize to my wife, family, friends and co-workers," Toobin told Motherboard. "I believed I was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video," he added.

So the issue for Toobin isn't that he felt like he needed a little release during a work meeting, but that he hadn't gone through the proper procedures prior to putting his seat and tray in the upright position.

Lest I be misunderstood: don't jerk off during a work meeting. Regardless of whether or not the audio is muted or camera off. I thought this went without saying but here we are.

For a little background on the esteemed penis and the man it belongs to:

Isn't he just a winner.

Let's get to the jokes, shall we?

To be fair, Scott tweeted that prior to Vice updating their article to clarify the reason Toobin took out his crotch toy was for a little rub and tug. Still, until then, many of us wondered why one would whip out the willy while working.

Please note and appreciate my alliteration skills there. Thank you and let's continue.

Some may say Toobin shouldn't be remembered for this mistake. But I say they're wrong.

Wait, because there's more jokes coming.

Clever.

Let's not forget the greatest zoom dick of them all:

Gotta hand it to Obama for never getting caught red-handed.

Probably one of the best takes of the day goes to Noam, who has not one but two entries.

Sure, but we have context now. Toobin needed to touch himself during a work meeting. If Bill Clinton covered this story, he'd say "everyone does it" while asking how we define "is."

See what I mean? Keep them coming.

That's what she said. I had to, America. Am I proud of this post centered entirely around people making fun of a pervert? No. Am I ashamed of it? Also no.

Let's conclude this little romp with this climactic tweet from one Steven Crowder:

It's a mute button, Jeff. Not a magic stick.

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